First off I sympathize with the issues that have been presented in your marriage. I lost a relationship over my “need” to wheel, and it was very difficult for me. On the other hand, our “need” to wheel is part of who we are and by forcing you to suppress it your husband is really being unfair to you. Most of us on the board know that this is not something you choose, nor is it something you can ignore on command. As such I definately think the two of you should seek counseling to help him deal with this better. I hate to say it, but when he married you it was for better or worse…and if he has trouble living up to that I dont know how things will go on. I hate to be the prophet of doom but I fear that if he continues to restrict your expression of who you are, one day you will resent it enough to leave him.

Just my opinion
Ben

This is a terrible story but true, and one I thought I’d share with you all. Once, when I was a teenager, I almost stole one of those placards. I was about 17 and had driven to the grocery store. There was a car parked in a regular parking space way out at the end of the lot. The place was busy and I had parked right next to this car. The windows were wide open and on the dashboard was one of those placards. Now, I am not a thief, and I have not stolen anything since I was a small child (we all do it once when we’re little, I think), but that placard was so tempting to me. At the time, I was so ashamed of myself that I even thought of taking it that I just cried. I sat in my car and cried. I stared at it. A couple of times I almost got right out of the car to take it, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I knew it was wrong, and so I drove home and didn’t think about it again after a few days, until I read this story.

I wonder, is there a certain part of us that is capable of doing so many things we know are not morally accepted, and if so, what exactly does that mean? This is just one example of how strong the feelings are, and how early in life they begin.

Eric, other things we can’t see just by looking could invclude serious heart conditions, sun allergies, MS on a good day, single (or even double) amputee walking without a limp, etc…

Brice, Claire is right, it depends a lot of where you go. It also depends on what time you go. An acquaintance of mine told me that there were never any parking problems at the grocery store I frequent. I told her I could never find a parking space there. Turns out she was going in the morning, and I was going in the late afternoon/early evening. Of course the solution, one might say, would be to go in the morning. But that’s not convenient when you work full time!

Brice: it depends on where though. In the suburbs, where construction is fairly new, and at places like Wal-Marts and malls, there are tons of disabled parking spots and I agree, they’re usually half empty.

And then you get into older sections of town, older construction, and for an entire building there is one disabled spot. Most of the commercial constuction where I live is old, and disabled parking spots are scarce.

I agree with you here. I notice plenty of people who use those permits and just walk out of their car and appear in no way disabled. It pisses me off. I want to run them over with my car, then they’ll understand what the permit is for. It’s not a matter of convenience but a matter of necessity.

Regarding parking permits…that IS a tough one. Because if part-time pretenders were to be issued parking permits for when we are using a wheelchair for therapeutic reasons, then what do we do with the permits when we’re NOT wheeling? Most pretenders are very sensitive to disability rights. The conscientious among us would not use them, but there are always a few idiots out there who would ruin it for everyone and give us a bad name. And there would be no way to enforce it, it would be the “honor system”. Not a great way to go about it.

But for a transabled person whose BIID is so severe that they wheel full-time, I think a parking permit is justified. In fact where I live, disabled parking permits can in fact be legally issued for psychological reasons (although I’m not aware of anyone having been issued one for BIID). And it would not really contribute to the problem of scarcity of disabled parking spaces, because those of us who wheel full time are *VERY* few and far between.

Though many would argue that the psych community is not the one they want to see focusing/accepting us :-/

I think working tooth and nail to get recognized by the psychiatric community is the first step toward gaining any real acceptance for how we want/need to live our lives.

In any event: it isn’t simple - for any of us.