Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Claire's Thoughts > Wheelin’
Wheelin’
Written by Claire on Friday, March 23, 2007
I’ve tried so many times to describe what it’s like to be out and about in a wheelchair, for me. Many other people have too. I’ve heard some people describe it very well, and yet no words can quite capture the true essence of the feelings.
I don’t think there are any words in the English language for feelings like this. The feelings go down so deep I feel them physically in my heart and the pit of my stomach, a deep, deep wellbeing, contentment, joy, but also a poignancy, a sad acceptance. It’s the joy of being able to be who I am and who I’ve always felt I should be, but there is indeed a pang that acknowledges that the *need* for the chair is…sad, tragic, disturbing, regrettable…all of those and none, because none of them are right at all, and yet they come a bit close. Or perhaps that poignancy that rides alongside the joy is simply springing from the fact that none of it is real, and/or is so ephemeral.
[tags]Transabled, BIID, Wheeling, Wheelchair, Pretending, Pretender, Paraplegic, Para[/tags]This entry appears in Claire's Thoughts, Other's Thoughts, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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4 Comments
2 On 27 March, 2007, Claire said:
Thank you Jen! I do have to get off my duff and do something about that. Thanks for the encouragement. :o)
When you go out wheeling we’re with you all the way. Can’t wait for your next adventure.
Claire;
I enjoyed reading about your pretending trip, your experiences were very similar to my own, in terms of peoples reactions. I do not use a wheelchair, but crutches instead.
My adventure took me across three states over a long weekend. I became acutely aware of the stares and looks from different people, some especially dirty looks, a lot of curious onlookers trying to see what was wrong, and some genuine interest from the opposite sex.
I received the best service from restaurants, never had to ask for help carrying a tray to my table. One waitress seated me immediately, but at a table close to the enterance in a section of the restaurant that was likely only used when it was busy. I think she realized she made a gaffe, not seating me in the regular section, but other than that, she was great. She also carried my coffee to go to my car, without being asked. Lovely personality.
On my first night out I went to a bar, received a dirty look from the woman behind the bar, looked directly at me and ignored me. Funny, there was a guy in a wheelchair at a table, who obviously had to trouble getting served. Another bar tender came over and served me, though I stayed only for one drink.
I knew nothing of BIID back then, this was long before I was on the internet. This was the best, most theraputic weekend of my life. I thought a weekend of pretending would get rid of the feelings I had for over thirty years at the time, it certainly did not. I spent the entire weekend on crutches with my leg immobilized, even when alone in my hotel rooms. It just felt right…
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1 On 24 March, 2007, jen said:
Claire, I so enjoy your long diaries about your travels. I hope you will write one for us again soon.