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Ulterior Motives
Written by Sophie on Monday, April 16, 2007
The other day my Mum, Aunt and Step-uncle drove me to my old city to talk to the people I bought my car off. They had a rather interesting discussion on the way there. My Aunt works as a care assistant at a high school. She supervises the disabled kids in their lessons. She was complaining about how in a fire evacuation there was no way to get some of the kids down from the second floor room that they spend a lot of their time in.
In a fire evac they can’t use the elevator, and some of the kids are too heavy to carry down the stairs. This sparked Mum to start talking about the local disability support organisation in our town. There are two people who work there who use wheelchairs. Mum talked about how in a fire they have to be carried down the stairs in blankets and how dangerous that is. I wonder if these stories had some ulterior motive for my sake. Nothing they say can convince me otherwise. They don’t really realise this. I know that using a wheelchair isn’t fun and games, trust me I know. There are some things I would just have to live with in exchange for being who I feel I am meant to be.
Today I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus when I saw the lady from the disability support place wheeling past with a whole bunch of friends. I was suddenly hit by strong pangs of longing and jealousy. I wanted to watch her wheel, watch how she interacted with all her friends, but I was too scared that they’d notice me watching. It was meeting her a few years ago that had kind of rekindled my thoughts about wheelchairs, and actually realising there was more to it. I’ve never actually been able to have a properly conversation with her about anything. I was always too nervous, too shy to say anything intelligible. I’m sure now that I have grown up a little more, and I’m a little stronger with who I am, if I had a second chance to talk with her we’d actually talk about something. I can only imagine.
[tags]Wheelchairs, Evacuation, Motives, Parents[/tags]This entry appears in Other's Thoughts, Sophie's Thoughts, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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1 On 24 April, 2007, steel legs said:
Many years ago..when ever I used to see someone wearing leg braces..I would be very jealous..
I would find mmyself..dreaming how my life would be if I had leg braces. (This would only conclude after I has a orgasim ..) The next day ..I later found myself on the same merry go round of thinking about being crippled in leg braces ..
I questioned this feeling for many years and never came up with a satisfying answer really to explain it ? Later I had the chance to wear braces..and this completly ended my feelings of jealously.
Wearing braces stopped 90% of my sexual leg brace fantasys..as now I was living a life I always wanted !
It was the most exciting thing I ever imagined..being in public in braces..and being seen and treated as a real cripple.
I enjoyed flashing my braces in public so much..I gradually decieded to stop pretending in my spare time and do it more openly. Likewize keeping the fact I wasn’t really crippled a secret ..and privately excersizing to keep my legs from being adversly effected..by training Tai-Chi everyday .
Fortunately I am in a situation where my wife accepts me wearing braces..I must admit after 5 years of wearing braces 10 hours a day /7days week.. I now find wearing leg braces isn’t as great as it used to be .I am now spending more time out of my leg braces..I wonder is this the light at the end of the tunnel..or just a temporary relapse ?
Well gotta go folks..its a nice day..and instead of wearing leg braces ..I am doing some work around the house .