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The Chair

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Written by Claire on Thursday, October 26, 2006

This came from Claire, in a sort of brain storming. She wasn’t sure if it was usable. Sean saw it and thought it was fantastic. He reformatted it a wee bit, and here it is.

Note that Claire was skeptical about posting this at all, but trusts Sean. It’s his site, after all. If he wants to post raving madness, that’s his affair.

I think it’s the chair

Is it the chair?

I can’t go back now. Maybe that’s what’s so scary.

Jumped off the cliff - free-falling - not knowing where I’ll land.

Maybe that’s where the anxiety is coming from. I just don’t know what the future holds.

I’m afraid of the chair.

I want the chair.

I can’t wait for the chair to get here. I’m embarrassed by the chair.

The chair.

The chair.

The dream, the nightmare.

It’s always been about the chair, hasn’t it? More about the chair than the legs. The legs were just the means to an end. In that way, I’m different from some of them. No that’s not true. An impairment has always been necessary.

But…

It’s.

Always.

Been.

The.

Chair.

Now I’m going to do it. I have to.

I can’t.

I can’t not.

Ah, the fucking chair. Why the chair??

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One Comment

1 On 10 January, 2007, Rorschach said:

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I like this. It captures a lot of the feelings of being a dev otee/wannabe. The dream, the nightmare. Nice. 4/5

 

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About Claire

I am a wife and mother who has had BIID all my life. Since my earliest memories I have had a deep desire to be a paraplegic. For over 30 years I kept this a closely held secret until one day I just could not take it anymore. Now, I am telling all of you my story, because I know that somewhere there is another wife and mother who is confused about her strange desires and needs to know she is not alone.