transabled.org

I must admit that I am intrigued by this idea of being able to go back and forth between using the wheelchair and doing highly demanding sports activities. It makes me wonder if you really do want/need to be a para, or if you just enjoy using the wheelchair. Is it mostly a turn on for you, as socks are?

I think this is one of the reasons such a big segment of the disability population has a problem with “wannabes”. They perceive our use of the chair as frivoulous, as a sort of game. Reading comments like yours, I am not surprised someone might think this. Contrary to what many people say, using a wheelchair is not “just” an alternate form of locomotion. There is too much stuff emotionally attached to using a wheelchair to just have it be a different mode of transport. When people in the BIID community talk about going back and forth, it makes it appear as if we view the chair as one big fun entertaining thing.

For me, the chair use is not the end goal. I use a chair, and I have fun while in the chair, because you *can* have fun wheeling. But it’s not frivoulous, it’s not *about* using a wheelchair. I use a chair because I need to be paralysed. And while there are many activities that I enjoy that would require me *not* to wheel, I don’t want to be going back and forth, I just want to be paralysed. As a result, I would use a chair.

My 2 cents

It’s silly to ignore the practical benefits of walking (or hearing or seeing). I admit to listening to informative podcasts for a dual purpose: block out sound (spoken word is not as effective as music at this) and a means of absorbing information. For a deaf person it wouldn’t be much of an option (although it may be depending on the loss and if it’s correctable with hearing aids).

Speaking is an efficient means of communication and I acknowledge it; however it doesn’t mean I don’t wish to be deaf.

I believe the same thing applies anywhere: Using what we have available (WHEN we have it available) isn’t tacit denial of one’s transability.

Marie, you are of course correct, using what’s available isn’t denial of one’s transability. I do chores at home walking, for instance. But there is quite a difference between using what we have and bouncing back and forth. Perhaps it’s not so much “what” as “how”, and the *appearance* of what is going on that is disturbing.

It sounds like you just want to go out for a joy ride from time to time without censorship. And everyone would *know* you\’re not disabled. For me, using a chair means being perceived as disabled. I know I\’m not disabled, but being perceived as disabled helps me enter into a frame of mind where I can believe (somewhat) that I am disabled, for a time, and get a little peace from the constant (and sometimes intense) nagging of the BIID in my brain. It\’s about using my imagination in a real-world setting to help me live for a time as I desire to live, and the perception of others is a big factor in that (and no, it\’s NOT about attention, it\’s about perception–big difference). And according to V.S. Ramachandran (one of the world\’s foremost neuroscientists, who is currently studying BIID), says \”When you imagine something…many of the same brain circuits are activated as when you really do something. This allows you to practice scenarios in an internal simulation without incurring the energy cost or risks of a real rehearsal.\” (from A Brief Tour of Human Consciousness). And in our case, it\’s not so much that the real rehearsal is risky (although that is true), it\’s that it\’s simply not available! So to be perceived by everyone around me as someone who uses a wheelchair just for fun, from time to time, would do absolutely NOTHING to alleviate my symptoms of BIID.

Personally I’ve kind of evolved. As I child I was primarily interested in using a wheelchair, and in some ways that is still there. However, as I have gotten older I’ve found that this desire has been changing. For me it has become largely about being paralyzed.

In the past I, and even now sometimes, I felt and feel like Jim. I’d like to be able to use a wheelchair and live my life. The concept of paralysis though has been…infectious.

For me a wheelchair was just an object of obsession, but slowly things have changed. I gather that I desire to be paralyzed because I see it as evidence of a wheelchair so to speak. Though it seems different from that.

I guess I feel sort of left out because of this; like an outcast amongst the outcasts. My root is not in paralysis itself, but rather the hardware which accompanies it. But now I really do want to be paralyzed. It’s odd. I feel really confused and alone more so than I have in a long time. I want to go cry now.

I think I need to defend myself here. I do not just go out for “joy rides!” I think of being in my wheelchair constantly. Because my behavior is so unusual to my freinds and family I’ve kept it as a deep, dark, secret for years. I don’t like it. This forum, Transabled.org, has been very enlightening as I battle this.

I pick and choose, actually “scedule,” when I can be in my chair. Of course I’m in it in my apartment 95% of the time but out in public is different. When I’m out of it, at work, with freinds, at the gym, at happy hour and so on I look at every situation as I am in my chair. How I would handle getting around, how good it would feel if I was in my wheelchair and everyone were understanding. This obsession/disability of mine is a very big distraction and has caused me great hardship.

I worked for the same company for 23 years and rose up the ranks to a real good management position(they thaought I was so dedicated because I worked almost every Sunday, emailing and such, but I actually did it because I had the building to myself and could be in my wheelchair). Due to restructuring I had an opportunity to take a “package” and move on, or go to work in another department I did not like. So, I took the money and ran. Paid off bills, put a lot a way for my kids’ college and was going to take a month off to fix up our house, relax and find something new. I was vested for retirement so I was really in pretty good shape. Well, that month got away from me, and became three because all I did, every day, was go out in my wheelchair. It totally consumed me. I finally got a job in construction management but had a divorce and a move and so on. My secret “disability” is probably one of the main factors I’ve been so depressed and my life has not been so good the last couple of years. So, its no “joy ride!”

I’m a real big mess because of being transabled and now its really getting messy as I’ve had a date with a women while I’m a para. My story is in the works and will be a long one, hopefully with a happy ending. I intedn to share it with the group.

Sorry Jim. I guess I should be able to see where you’re coming from. For the longest time I felt that the focus was on the wheelchair. It took some time to realize that a lifelong *impairment* is necessary (and had always been), and that the wheelchair was just a symbol. But I still think that switching would not really solve any problems.