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Home / Thoughts / Other's Thoughts / Society’s perception and hypocrisy

Society’s perception and hypocrisy

Written by Kyla on Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My self-image, and the condition toward which I seek a safe path, is bilateral shoulder disarticulation - complete lack of arms. This is a condition that has a very nearly absolute requirement for assistance in the rehabilitative and adaptation stage, possibly for as long as a few years before I would be able to live independently in that state. Some would say that it is unreasonable for me to ask others for that assistance along the way, and therefore I should just deal with what I have, because I have no right to impose upon others for help with this goal, which is invariably seen as self-destructive.

The validity of this argument starts to fade if we look closer at what I *do* have. I have a body with which I have become so overwhelmingly uncomfortable that the related depression and anxiety conditions have rendered me unable to function effectively in society. Most of my time is spent in various forms of therapy, and sampling a pharmacopia of antidepressants and antianxiety meds. I live on a disability pension because of my inability to function. I’ve only been able to give the slightest, roundabout hints to my therapist about the real underlying causes of my depression and anxiety, because of the focus of that profession on perceived danger of perceived self-harm, and their unforgiving and intolerant response to anything that they perceive as so.

Barbara Guerra

If I could achieve this state of body with which I would feel more comfortable and secure, while it will indisputably limit my physical capabilities significantly, I daresay that it may provide a sufficient improvement in my mental and emotional state that I could overcome the physical limitations to become more productive. Consider Barbara Guerra, for example - to be sure, she had many more years of practice to adapt to the armless condition, having lost her arms at age two, but she is a successful and quite independent professional businesswoman. I see no reason why I could not adapt and become equally independent and successful, if only I could overcome the incongruity with my own body. If there’s one lesson that should be learned from the transsexual population, it is that when the inner essence of self conflicts with the physical body, only one of the two can be changed to match the other - and it’s not the essential identity.

Why, then, am I forced to endure a condition that has reduced my productivity level to zero, rather than have that condition treated in such a way as to create the potential for me to return to a functional state? It would appear that this is yet another example of society treating the unseen conditions as if they are not real, and can simply be ignored.

Sometimes, however, I feel hypocritical. There are times that I just use my arms from habit, when there is no reason to do. In public places, or environments where other people are around who would object, there’s a small, potentially valid, reason why I should refrain from reaching out with a foot to grab something, instead using the hand that shouldn’t be present. However, why, when I’m in the privacy of my own room, do I yield to old habit and efficiency and, for example, type an email with fingers that shouldn’t be present? I am perfectly capable of typing with my toes, and do so somewhat frequently, albeit slower than with fingers.

In a way, I think that it relates to something contained in your previous post entitled ‘Self - as in preservation vs. injury‘ - that the body tends to utilise its full capabilities, whether we want it to do or not. For this reason I’ve considered casting my arms - even though it would draw my own attention to parts of me that I don’t want at all, by making them even heavier and more cumbersome than they already are, it would prevent me from being able to fall back into the socially-taught habits of using hands, rather than feet or mouth, to do basic everyday tasks. I do believe that it wouldn’t take long (probably no more than several weeks) before I adjust so thoroughly to the limitation involved, that I would be able to have the casts removed without falling back to the old habits. However, as I indicated above, the initial stages of such adaptation will pretty much require active assistance from someone else; as such, I need to be in an environment where I have a companion who is both able and willing to do that for me. I have the good fortune of a number of transabled and transabled-friendly friends, but alas, most of them either live much too far away (other countries), or else share accomodations with others who are not so friendly to our needs. I’m still working on resolving this difficulty.

Tags: Depression, Amputee, Bilateral+Shoulder+Disarticulation, Transsexual, Dependence, Self-Harm

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