I shall answer your question from my own perspective, but it probably pertains to others as well.

For much of my life I’ve tried to ignore my BIID, repress it, make it go away, think I’d grow out of it, or simply not believe that it could really be possible. It didn’t work. If anything, it has got more intense with age.

It is very much like Gender Identity Disorder. If you have a male gender identity, this is something that you know irrespective of the configuration of your body. An outsider might say “Feel your breasts. Feel your genitalia. It would be much easier for you to accept the fact that you have a female body, and bring your mind into concordance with that.” The reality is that it is not easier; in fact it is almost impossible. I have many transsexual friends, and have witnessed people going through hormone treatments, the social problems of transition, costly and painful surgeries, etc. That is what works.

According to the DSM-IV I am technically not a transsexual, since that and intersex conditions are (erroneously in my opinion) deemed to be mutually exclusive categories. Nevertheless, I had genital surgery to bring my body into better concordance with my female gender identity. The photo of me one day after surgery says everything. The expression of blissful contentment on my face is amazing. I have no reason to suspect that things with BIID will be any different.

I know that you are someone who is stellar at aligning your mental self with your physical self. What can I say? Many of us have tried this and failed. Kudos to you!

How about aligning your mental/emotional self with your physical self?

Does it have to be the way you mentioned, or would you be willing to explore the opposite way?

So, I guess my idea would be that when trying to explain it to someone who is totally clueless you *may* want to add more words than necessary, unless they know how to get a feel of your emotions. However, in a more casual sense, I would never botch words, because the assumption would be that the person I’m talking to already has a perfectly fair idea of what you actually mean. My point is that whoever you’re talking to will “get it” or not “get it” and if they don’t get it and don’t ask, then they probably shouldn’t be privvy to it anyways. (Now I get to see if I can recover my train of thought after my sister almost looked at this page and post…) That’s pretty much it, so just say what you really mean, and we will understand.

It is a good idea to describe what it really is in more words than just: “I should be a paraplegic/amputee”.

The problem in the words “paraplegic”, “amputee”, “blind”, “deaf” etc. is that they all describe “deficits”: something that normally is there but shouldn’t.

I often try to explain it by saying: “I don’t want to have no legs or my legs cut off (in fact I am not keen on surgery, it is just a necessary thing), I want to have two thigh stumps instead”. I try to say how I want to be, not what I want to have off. But the difference is not very big, to be honest.

We could also talk about our real, true, inner, deep identity (as in BIID) and that our soul and body don’t fit at the moment.

I found that it is often important to explicitly say that I do not want to be disabled. It is just my body form that doesn’t go with my soul.

My doctor once expressed it this way: “It seems your sould doesn’t reach down into all of your legs.” Dr. Brugger (Zurich) wrote that the legs (or whatever) are not as “ensouled” as the rest of one’s body.

I would say it is best to say what intuitively comes to one’s mind when talking to a specific person in a concrete situation. But it is good to have thought about different ways to express it before. Thank you, Sean, for your contribution for this kind of preparation.

I really wonder if it was legally available just how many would take advantage of it, I think I would but just the fact of it being available would for me relieve a huge frustration and maybe that would be enough.

As I see it after much research any method other than surgery has life threatening aspects and should not be contemplated under any circumstances.

So the upshot is “I need to align my physical self to my psychological self, which requires a paralysing surgery” and how much longer do I have to wait?

I’ve always been deadly serious about becoming a para. Otherwise I wouldn’t have made an attempt a couple years ago. A surgeon just helps making the reality a bit closer. But surgery will NEVER be for everyone. It is important that we all know whether it is something we need or not, and if we need it, if we are ready or not. I am glad you realise you aren’t ready. That is good.

Sorry Sean, I didn’t mean to annoy you at all. Otherwise I would not have written that the New Year may bring you what you most desire.

I read your last few posts about the latest news towards surgery and thought: “This is getting bloody serious now!”

We are in the same boat as I’m living with that problem as well since I was a very young child. And whereas you may be ready for that final step, I’m not. I simply don’t know how I could ever talk to anybody about it face to face, never mind deciding for surgery, in spite of the pressure. And I think there are some more of my sort out there – I didn’t talk about you in person, I rather adressed anybody who reads it, whether that person is ready for it or not.

@Chloe I really like how you phrase it “My brain tells me that I’m supposed to be paralysed”. It removes the immediacy of “I need to be paralysed” and the question “why?” in one shot. I like it.

@Katie, you say “be careful what you wish, as it might come true”. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard that. And how much it annoys the s*** out of me. I know very well what I wish. And I certainly do hope that it come true. The sooner the better.

Maybe it makes it easier to describe it that way when you talk to others about it. Maybe their reaction to it is calmer than it would otherwise be.
But just for yourself – would it not be more honest (and therefore easier) to call things by their name?