My opinion is that the theory most likely to explain BIID (at least of the ones currently available) is that it represents a glitch in the brains somatosensory cortex. Basically people who want to be paraplegics or amputees have a situation where for some reason their somatosensory cortex, does not include the portions of their body that they want paralyzed or amputated. Basically they have the “reverse” or phantom limb syndrome. As for why people would want to be blind or deaf, the neurology of that, I think is less well understood, but it probably another neurological glitch.

Whether something like this is a “mental illness” in the same sense depression or bipolar disorder is, is a question that I think those who know more about psychiatry than me or most people on this line could debate in depth.

But if it’s a neurological glitch, then there is a real possibility that some time in the future-hopefully soon- there might be a way to correct it.

As for “dyspraxia” and “APD”, darn straight most people would want those things mitigated or gone. And some people have better luck than others on that.

But I’ve heard debate over the definition of disability. Some people would be considered disabled for being blind in one eye or deaf in one ear-which might be less of a problem in life than dyspraxia, APD, or BIID.

Katie,

I seriously doubt you did anything to bring this on yourself. If it’s a neurological problem, at the very least it’s probably not something that happened in some kind of quest for meaning. It’s probably not your fault, not your parents’ fault, nor anyone else’s.

And it probably isn’t something people do because they “don’t know how hard it is” to actually be an amputee or a paraplegic.

I think you probably could find another source of meaning in life whether you get rid of the BIID or not. If/when you are cured someday you certainly could. But why wait on it? Life is to short for that.

On the whole I’ve found it to be a positive and rather deep experience.

If you want to talk about having your view of the world changed, losing a disability would have to rank pretty high.

I think I’m still the same person, fundamentally. But I’ve learned a lot.

I started seeing a psychotherapist in regard to BIID earlier this year. One of his first questions was “Why are you here? What is it that you want?” This is an excellent way for psychotherapy to start, but it is a non trivial question. Why *do* we see psychotherapists about BIID. I had already given some thought to this and I replied “I don’t want to be cured. I just want to reach better self acceptance about it; to let it sit comfortably with me”. This was the first time I had verbalised about not wanting to be “cured”. It was a profound statement. I still had to mull it over for some time before I was absolutely sure of it.

Curing me of BIID would rip my heart out. It has had a huge influence on the development of my personality, going back to my earliest memories. Most of this influence has been positive, in my opinion.

I’ll just list some of the more obvious examples of how I perceive that BIID has beneficially affected who I am: I am a much more empathetic and compassionate person. I am more sensitive towards the emotional and physical needs of people with disabilities. I am not “scared” of people with any kind of disability, and I am very open to friendship. I am passionate about accessibility and other societal issues pertaining to disability. I take a lot of risks (this started as a conscious decision to want to injure myself when I was seven, but it spilled over in a positive way in regard to relationships and career). I could go on.

In short, depriving me of BIID would disconnect me from who I am.