transabled.org

I have missing wheelchair nightmares once in a while. There is always a sense of panic because I can’t get around. Such a relief to wake up and realise one’s wheelchair is not missing after all.

Err, most of you can get around without a wheelchair. Get a grip!!!

@Martin, you’re right, most of us don’t have PHYSICAL impairments forcing us to use a chair. To say I don’t *need* my wheelchair just because my need isn’t physical is to seriously minimize and trivialize the reality of BIID.

When my wheelchair is out of reach, I fret as much as my late-wife (who was a para from an accident) used to fret when HER chair wasn’t nearby.

@Martin: In my dreams I really AM paralysed. I don’t have a choice about it. I can’t just get up and walk around. I don’t dream that I have BIID.

Aircraft grade aluminium? No wonder they are so expensive!!

Hmmm, I have paralyzed dreams every so often (unlike last night, which was about diving I hear from dad who heard me shouting in my sleep, which will not be good if it is about BIID… x.x)… Weird how they always seem to make so much sense, no matter how far out they are.

I think you guys are just strange. I mean Sean, you’ve been married to a paraplegic woman who is now deceased. Claire you ski despite wanting to be paralyzed. And a lot of you seem to have other weird histories.

Maybe there is something neurological going on, but I wonder if there isn’t something psychological with it.

And if it’s really certain none of you guys will regret it, if you do end up paralyzed.

I suspect the dreams has something to do with identity, actually. Suddenly it’s gone, then what? Interesting. But surely strange in the dreamworld.

Still, surely they are one of those category of dreams from which it’s fun to wake UP from…

@Martin, what is strange about being married to a paraplegic woman who died? People die, nothing strange about that. Paras get married, nothing strange about that. As for Claire skiing despite needing to be paralysed, it’s a balancing act – Claire’s skiing is to take part in family activity/life. BIID is shite enough without imposing it on family. Sometimes, we have to do things that are unpleasant and uncomfortable for the benefit of others. I also believe that Claire has been sitskiing more than anything else. (Note, I’m answering for Claire because she hasn’t been around). Unless you meant Chloe?

Yes, we have weird histories. Most everyone, with or without BIID have weird histories. We ALL have squeletons in the closet.

As for psychological or neurological, I won’t argue with you. I’ve been saying often enough that BIID is a mental illness. I don’t have a problem with that label. No more than I have a problem with the label of mental illness for depression. It’s unfortunate that society views psychological issues as more negative than physical ones, but that is the situation. There needs to be more research about the nature of BIID. Right now, there’s evidence of neurological stuff. I would be tempted to say “neuropsychological”, and as Dr. McGeoch, a neurologist who’s done research into BIID has told me, the boundaries between psychology and neurology are getting blurred all the time.

The thing is, even if BIID was purely psychological, no psychotherapy or pharmacotherapy has been shown to work to get rid of it.

@Martin – we are no strange than someone who, say, persists in hanging around one a website for an concept they don’t believe in without adding so much as a two penny’s worth of informed argument.

I had another one of those missing wheelchair nightmares last night.

I was in a large conference room in a strange city. Somehow I had become separated from my wheelchair. I looked around to try to find it, and spotted one in the furthest corner of the room. However, I could see that it was not mine and I didn’t want to steal somebody else’s, so I stayed put.

Someone found my orthopedic shoes and brought them to me. I put them on but the braces were not attached, so I still couldn’t go anywhere.

I realised I had forgotten my bowel program and became extremely anxious about that. I was desperate to get back to the privacy of my hotel room, but I couldn’t remember the name of the hotel or where it was. A stranger somehow knew I needed to do something about my bowels and offered to help. Er, no thanks!!!

In addition to all of this I had a large metal object that was completely stuck in my vagina. I couldn’t feel it because, as sometimes happens in my dreams, I had no feeling below the waist. But it was sticking out and making an obvious bulge. Some kids who I haven’t spoken to since I was nine years old (who were now grown up in the dream) made comments about my penis. Urgh!!! I could not possibly have been more embarrassed.

I was sure glad to wake up from this one!

I’ve been paying more attention to my dreams recently. Wheelchair anxiety dreams are pretty frequent: difficult doors to open, maneuvering in tight spaces, trying to find an accessible toilet, getting through big crowds. It’s not all wheelchair related: attempting to take a bath alone as a quadriplegic. All of this was last night.

Back when I dated a wonderful woman who was paraplegic, we spoke of our dreams. As her acceptance of her new situation grew, her dreams changed from walking more to wheeling more. Her walking dreams never went away completely, until we lost touch. In my dreams, sometimes I was walking and she was wheeling, but sometimes she was walking and I was wheeling.

Nowadays, I sometimes dream I can fly, sometimes I am wheeling. Rarely, I use a flying wheelchair.