Blog > Thoughts > Sean's Thoughts > Silence – Weathering A Storm
Silence – Weathering A Storm
Written by Sean on Saturday, July 3, 2010
I apologise for having been an absentee webmaster the last few weeks. Life has been particularly rough. Some of you know a bit of the details. I hope to be back for "good" now, but let me give you an idea of what’s life been like recently…
- BIID, as usual, has been raging for a long time. This is not unusual and I can handle it if it’s the only thing that "gets in the way.
- Had a particularly stressful weekend (won’t get into details here, just take my word).
- After that weekend, I had a fall at work, spent a day at the hospital. Given a week off work.
- That weekend, I was verbally assaulted, followed by a physical assault that culminated by me being thrown out of my wheelchair.
- As a result of that, I reinjured the same areas that had been injured the previous week.
- Police inquiry, etc
As I lay on the gurney in the ER the first day, all I could think of was that after my injuries would be healed, I’d be back to a huge amount of emotional pain due to BIID. Between the pre-existing BIID/depression, the physical trauma, and the shock, my mind and body were in a very bad spot. This just kept going downhill.
As a result of the assault, and the added stress of reinjury, police, etc, my mind is still not in a good space. In fact, I’m amazed I haven’t just killed myself. I came close. Very close. Too close. Several times in the last two weeks.
I am empty. Like a shell, going through the motions.
So there you have it, a nutshell summary of why I’ve not been around and haven’t really processed any of the posts until today.
Tags: BIID, Depression, Injury, Shock, Suicide, Trauma
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3 Comments
That’s horrible! I’m glad you didn’t end up killing yourself and hope that things will get better.
I think everyone can completely understand taking time off of webmastering for that. Take the time to heal.
Welcome back, Sean. I too am glad you didn’t kill yourself.
After reading your post this morning, I returned to the dining room and gave a casual glance at my notebook from the personal growth workshop I did a few months ago. Alicia and I take a few hours each weekend to discuss a page from it. In the context of your post, the title of our next page to discuss really caught my attention: “Choosing to live.” I had jotted down something the psychotherapist said during this session of the workshop. She asked us to ponder the question “Do I really want to die when I have suicidal thoughts; or do I just want to walk away from my problems?”
Sometimes life throws us so much stuff all at once that it seems far too big a burden to handle. I’m wondering if something along the lines of the question above helps keep you alive.
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1 On 3 July, 2010, Gravity said:
Oh Sean.
I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through.
Remember that your health is the most important thing and that if you need to take some time off you mustn’t feel bad about it.
I’ll be thinking of you.