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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Risks and responsibilities of mentoring

Risks and responsibilities of mentoring

Written by Sean on Saturday, November 5, 2005

And another blurb brought about by interacting with Sophie! She has many questions. She is living many new experiences. I feel responsible in some ways for what she does, and how she does it. Of course, it’s a little silly to take on that responsibility (as in, assume it’s my "fault"), but a part of me is indeed asking if she would be doing some of the things she’s doing, had I not crossed her path.

"I created a monster", I told her the other day, as she was planning and plotting on how to purchase her first chair. We had spent several evenings discussing different models, different options, and lamenting the prices of new wheelchairs. We had discussed how to purchase a chair in the US and have it shipped, since most places here require a prescription to get a chair.

But she managed to track the name and contact information of a sales rep, and ask if they had demo chairs available. And sure enough, they did. And it was now time to figure out how to pay for the chair, on little income. And thinking about where to keep the chair when one lives at home (at a friend’s? At a storage facility? In the trunk of one’s car?)

Would Sophie have gone ahead with this had I not been around? Of course, I’m convinced eventually she would have done it, but perhaps I acted as a catalyst for it. Because of me, it’s happening now, rather than a year or three from now, when things might be in fact better timed for her to do so.

Some of these things have led her to lie to her parents. And this is not happy. But all kids at some point lie to their parents. Sometimes, it’s more little white lies, but sometimes, it’s bigger stuff. And while deception is not good, the alternative may be worse. And so she struggles with building stories. And I remember myself telling stories to my parents. And it wasn’t happy, but it was… unavoidable?

So part of me thinks I’m urging her on, smiling at her discoveries and experiences, and part of me thinks it would have happened anyway, whether I’d be here or not. And since it would have happened, it’s just as well she’s not alone going through the process.

And I hope that I shan’t come between her and her parents. Logically, if her parents ever learn of her wheeling "thing", they’ll have a fit, and things will come to conflict. This may be good, or not, but either way, I’d rather not be seen as one of the factors that precipitated the nastyness.

And perhaps I’m just full of shit, and over analyses things!

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