transabled.org

 

• About
• Login
• Register
• Contact
• Accessibility

Google Search:
Web transabled.org Go

 

Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Report on a weekend

Report on a weekend

Written by Sean on Wednesday, January 1, 1997

Well, it’s been a week since my return, and I am pleased to report that I had a wonderful time visiting with my friend. While I am sure that many people would love to hear about the particulars of what we did and didn’t do, I won’t expand on that here… I may make that the topic of a story I’ll put in the stories section of the site.

No, I simply want to say that it was a wonderful experience to be able to be myself, to freely use the chair, and to not waste energy in hiding feelings deep within. To not only be accompanied in your day to day activities, but to know that the person with you doesn’t mind, and even enjoys you the way you are is a wonderful experience. It confirmed one thing… I will never again withdraw this part of myself to anyone I consider spending some time with, I will be upfront about it. While I know that it’s not always an option, especially for those already in a relationship, I strongly urge those of you who are presently looking for someone to not withhold this part of you. You will find that it is much more enjoyable to be in the open… :-))

One thing I want to say is that I had extremely high expectations about flying as a paraplegic. It seemed to me as if it was going to be the ultimate para experience. It wasn’t… I was shocked. It wasn’t a bad experience, quite the contrary, but I realized that it was just another part of my life as a chair user, not better, nor worse, it just was. And in a sense that is what felt so good about it. That’s the taste the weekend left me, a sense of being right, and feeling good. I would like to thank my friend (she’ll recognize herself) for the opportunity to experience that.

While waiting at the airport in Glascow, I was thinking… (Seems like thinking is one of my favorite past times…) One thing I noticed, or rather didn’t, is the stares… People didn’t seem to look at me as much as I remember them doing before… It probably just is me getting used to it. Another is a thought about chair using and self destruction.

I was thinking: “Is using the chair a negative, or is it a positive, for all the feel good it brings in me. I have learned so much and grown in the last few months. I feel better and better all the time about myself. I want to share this with others. This is a positive. Will it be destructive only when you let shame and guilt invade you? If you start accepting it, you start healing wounds and it is our constant struggle to feel better. The act itself (of using the chair) isn’t self destructive, it is the way we approach it. Using the chair can be seen as a therapy. I have lacked self-confidence as long as I can remember, but using the chair is giving me the tools to become more confident. I now also keep my eyes open for times outside of chair using to grow. The desire to be paralyzed is one way (our sub-conscious uses) to voice a problem. To use the chair is one way we have to address that problem with no need to understand it. Treat symptoms without curing the problem, giving time to our mind to really work on the problem and solve it, and heal thoroughly”.

Don’t get me wrong. I am NOT saying that we are deranged to have the wannabe feelings we have. But I know we have plenty of other problems and those need healing. By using the chair, by pretending we find ways to address those problems and work on them on a deeper level than our conscious may experience.

Well, I think that’s it for now… Stay tuned for more, at some point…