transabled.org

This is tragic- especially for the “newbies” who just found that they aren’t alone in this. I hope those who ask you to remove their posts will consider that…

I wish that all this info were available to me when I first discovered that I wasn’t crazy. I’m also amazed how many parallels I have with other BIID sufferers, and also how much I’ve learned about it and how to deal with it.

That’s awful – if these people were pretty prolific posters/commenters, I can see how it may hurt the site’s content. I also understand the privacy issue, but perhaps the people can specify certain posts or comments they want removed, instead of all of their writings?

@Mark: Yes, I agree…this has definitely helped me learn more about it and how to deal with it.

I have to admit that I do feel sad about this. These two people have been completely amazing and valuable contributors to this site. I have learned so much from their insights, and have a lot of gratitude for that. But I do understand the motivation; there really can be substantial negative consequences.

I guarantee that I shall never request any of my writing here be removed. My ship has long since sailed in any case. I’ve always used my real name here as well as my only e-mail address, comprising my full real name. All of the personal information I have revealed on this site is real. Just how many polyamorous intersexed lesbian wheelchair using ski fanatics working in a psychiatric hospital in Utah are there?

The psychological place I am coming from is the taboo that my parents put on discussing intersex issues. What I picked up from them was that my life would be over if I ever told anybody. They were wrong! Anybody can go to the internet and find out that I am intersexed. They can see photos of me in my psychotherapist’s car with “INTERSEX SOCIETY OF UTAH” emblazoned on the side. There’s already a bunch of photos of me on this site too.

I grew up to have an intense loathing of the idea that I needed to be secretive about myself. Fuck what my parents thought! And fuck anybody in the world who thinks I am less of a person because I’m intersexed, or because I have BIID, or because I have mental illnesses, or because I have physical disabilities!

Yes, I am on a fucking mission! I am on a mission because one person ever put down another because they were gay, or black, or agnostic, or little… That’s why you can see my full name with my photo on the National Geographic website, together with why I use a wheelchair.

The time has come. I am angry and passionate!

No, my rant is not directed at those who feel a need to remove themselves from this website. For them I have nothing but unconditional love. My rant exists in response to a failure of society to protect its minorities from persecution, thereby creating the conditions which prompted this post from Sean.

And Sean, don’t you dare shut down this site! A 5% loss is the same as a 95% success rate. That’s pretty damn good. We NEED this!

@Chloe: I crown you Queen! Hope you don’t mind an aluminum crown- can’t afford the gold you deserve.

I had the same issue on Ahiruzone. I understand but the post could be rewritten in such a way as to give less information. I wish the people in question would take time to adjust the info and leave the posts on the sites.
As for my experience, if people can’t really accept us for who we are, why should we bother with them? I don’t want you to love the idea of me because then you don’t love me. Either love me with my skeletons in the closet or with them out of the closet, or why are we losing time in a fantasy land of perfection? It’s been almost a year since I stopped wheeling, yet I still use my disability discount for one store. Because I am who I am. I have a long list of “disorders” that influence my life. I am done kidding myself. And I am not a liar. I have disabilities. So take me as I am or leave it. It’s up to you but I am done hiding.

My god, we have two queens on here! – Elizabeth, that was beautiful. You expressed it perfectly. I have nothing to add! We are who we are, and we can’t change for other people’s whims and desires.

@Chloe: That was amazing, thank you. Discrimination – or what it really is, bullying – is idiotic. What does a person’s outer form mean about their true self? Whether it’s bullying a girl because she’s a girl or bullying someone who is mentally disabled, it’s just stupid. A main part of that is stereotypes and outward appearance, but somewhere someone thought “He’s black, or gay, or disabled, or smarter than I am….basically, he’s different. And I don’t want that.” That is illogical. Differences are what make the world what it is. If everyone was the same, there’d be no bullying, but there’d also be no world, no life, no me and you. Everyone would be identical. How boring.

This brings to mind some thoughts expressed centuries ago, when only a fraction of humanity could yet read and write:

*******************

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

The Rubaiyat – Omar Khayyam – 11th century

***************

/Art

I completely understand why people want to protect their identity, whether that be for personal or professional reasons. Being open and honest among likeminded people here, and elsewhere, is also a very important part of the coping mechanism for some people but unfortunately those two objectives are always going to be in direct conflict. The pendulum will always swing a little one way or the other and small swings are probably OK but when the swing gets too big, people may well become uncomfortable about how much of their lives are potentially exposed. It’s a very natural human reaction in such situations to want to do something about it, and the most obvious thing which can be done is to take away some of what has been written. Whilst it’s sad for the rest of us, I think it’s really very important that the individuals concerned are helped and supported back to a place whether they once again feel comfortable about sharing their thoughts, dreams and experiences in what is a public place.

So, what’s happened is that a couple of people have overstepped the mark and made themselves uncomfortable. I think the right thing to do is throw them a lifebelt, help then back aboard and give them a hug. OK, so some of the writing disappears, but we’ve still got our friends around.

…Looks like the aluminum crown factory has to go into two work shifts!

I changed my user name on Ahiruzone. There are entire companies devoted to performing background checks on potential employees- I’m trying to find a job. Those companies search FaceBook entries, Twitter accounts, MySpace accounts, whatever they wish in order to find some background information or reason NOT to hire a person.

I fully agree with both Chloe and Elisabeth- I’m a package deal, and you have to take the warts along with the teeth. I have no desire whatsoever to hide behind a pseudonym. By nature, total honesty leaves you vulnerable, but hopes that those who are your true friends will share their vulnerability with you. Prejudice seeks vulnerabilities for the sake of exploitation and destruction, therefore total honesty suffers in a cruel world.

I’ve really exposed some huge fat whopping truths about myself on these forums- but I have said what I have said, and if I’m to be damned for it, then I’m damned for being truthful. I can’t recant my testimony, but I will be more discrete in who knows the truth.

@Mark: Aluminum used to be a rare and precious metal, more valuable than gold. Napoleon II reserved his extraordinarily expensive aluminum plates, knives and forks exclusively for visiting royalty. This all changed with the invention of the electrolytic process for manufacturing aluminum in 1886.

Be that as it may, I disavow all pretensions of royalty. I merely do what I feel I have to do or should do, just like anyone else.

@Shadow: What you said about bullying really hits a nerve with me. I have had a good friend for 50 years, who is two years younger than me. He is mentally disabled, with a measured IQ of 55. When we were neighbour kids I was fiercely protective whenever anyone was mean or made fun of him. He is my friend and has a heart of gold. How dare anyone belittle him! Just because he has trouble figuring stuff out or being socially appropriate does not make him a lesser human being. I think this is the origin of some of my passions.

I am also very close to his mother, with whom he lives. She is indeed like a second mother to me, and refers to me as her daughter. She is in her late eighties and I am concerned as to what might happen to my friend after she dies. Independent living seems unlikely, and so far as I know I have been his only friend. This is making me cry…

People being different from each other is such an amazingly beautiful part of life.

I’ll bite the bullet here and admit that I was one of the two who requested post removal. I’ll explain why.

It was not meant to take anything away from this site at all. That was not my intention and, quite frankly, it was a very difficult decision.

When I first signed up here and started posting, I was barely out of my teens. I had no idea what life would be like. In fact, I didn’t even think much about where I would work, how far I would go with this “wheelchair using” business or even whether I would continue to use a wheelchair. Basically, there were a lot of unknowns.

I also did not predict how my life would be like now. Never in a million years would I predict that I would pretend full-time. Even less likely was me using a wheelchair full-time when away from home and family; even as recently as two years ago, I never would’ve guessed that would happen. I never would’ve predicted that I’d immerse myself in disability culture and essentially seek to function in society as a wheelchair user.

Of course, the deeper you go into something, the more likely it is that you will reveal things about yourself. It’s unavoidable. Those of you who have been around for a while know me quite well. Unfortunately that is the “real me,” and it is the same information that those who don’t know about BIID and might not be so understanding of it are privy to as well.

In addition, like some other people I know, I was looking for work and companies often try to dig up information about you online. While I kept my BIID stuff separate from everything else, particularly with my name/screen name, there was a considerable amount of overlap. I was concerned about this for a while, but thought that there wasn’t enough to make the connection.

But then someone at The Wheelchair Zone managed to do it. I gave minimal clues but someone cracked the mystery. And that freaked me out, considering how minimal the clues were. If someone can make the connection like that, then there was a high possibility that another random person might do it as well.

Now, if I were to NOT use a wheelchair full-time and immerse myself in disability culture, I don’t think this would be a problem. But like I said, never in a million years would I have predicted that this would happen. All the information I posted and gave were based on the assumption that I would NOT go “full-time” like this. When it did, it created a possible opening that I would prefer to stay shut, especially when you are getting to know new people who might not be understanding of BIID (at least not until they know you better) or companies who would prefer someone more “sane” (since it’s tough enough to find an entry-level job around here in Canada’s slowest-growing economy).

I feel like I should at least come out and defend myself here. Those who know me would realize that I would NEVER ask for something like this unless there was a damn good reason.

Selfish, you are, Mr. Sean. Very selfish and rotten.

@BB why, thank you. care to elaborate how you reached your conclusion?

@Sean: I think BB might have been under the impression you deleted their comments. It’s highly confusing for first time posters. Right after you post the comment, it appears as though the comment is there. Later, the comment disappears, leading you to believe the comment may have been deleted. The first time I commented here, the same thing happened to me.