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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Reflection on the past

Reflection on the past

Written by Sean on Friday, October 28, 2005

Once upon a time, I was a non-wheeler. Then I got my own wheelchair and started using it here and there, when I had a chance, mostly in secret. I would go to the movies in a town a 100Km away from where I lived. Mostly, I would use the chair in my appartment.

I would go to the movies, by myself. Something I had been doing anyway since my very young teens. But going to the movies was tricky in that not all cinemas were accessible, and when they were, I had to be careful of where I parked, as I couldn’t use the mobility parking spaces. I would usualy look for the parking spot at the end of a row, or go park way at the other side of the lot.

It’s lonely business, wheeling like that, but it’s better than not wheeling at all. Perhaps one of the things I longed for most in those days was being able to wheel with someone. Not necessarily another wheeler, but just be able to be myself, as I perceived myself, and not be alone. Because being alone sucks the big one, and it’s not one of those "good" sucky things either.

But I did manage to have interactions that were cool. Little things, like the cute redhead at the muffin stand, chatting with me while my muffin warmed up in the microwave, or the kid who held doors while I was struggling with them. Wee inter-human bumps (you know what I mean I hope), that brighten a day in some ways.

In those days, everything was so fresh, so new and fun and good when I wheeled. Even the boring task of loading a chair in and out of the car was fun. Some of these things have grown tedious, but looking back, it was all good. Perhaps in some way I miss those early days. It was a bit like getting into a new relationship, where everything you learn about the other one is good and fun and fresh.

I hadn’t really thought about it this way until someone asked me to write a little bit about "the early days". I’ll have to think and write more about this in the near future.