Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Psychiatrist tells me “I cannot help you with BIID”
Psychiatrist tells me “I cannot help you with BIID”
Written by Sean on Monday, August 18, 2008
I’ve been having a really rough time over the last couple months. Depression hitting harder than usual, and BIID being its usual fierce self. I was not hardy enough, I was not able to duck under cover and let this storm pass. I crashed. Hard. I went to my GP and asked for help. We discussed things and I agreed to try a course of anti-depressants and to go see a psychiatrist. The anti-depressants are not showing great signs of helping, but I can’t swear they aren’t either. Today was my first visit to the psychiatrist. It did not go badly. But it did not achieve anything either.
I went in fully expecting to have to educate the shrink. I was pleasantly surprised that he had taken the time to research it somewhat. My GP had written a pretty good and accurate letter of referal which mentionned Body Integrity Identity Disorder. The psychiatrist had gone on to http://biid.org to find some information. Not the best site, but it gave him an idea nonetheless. So I did not have to explain from scratch.
To give the guy credit, he was open minded and quite curious. He told me he found it fascinating and that in 25 years of practice, he had never heard of it. He asked many good questions, mainly trying to understand my history. We discussed all the medications I’d tried. We discussed all the therapy methods I’d followed.
In the end, he said that he didn’t think psychiatry could help BIID. I was not surprised to hear that.
He asked if the ultimate solution would be for me to get a spinal cord transection. I said yes. I further said that I’d be happy with an injection of alcohol, which would be a semi-permanent thing. That is, after 8 months to a year, function would come (mostly?) back. He seemed intrigued at the idea, thinking that if anything had a chance to get through an ethics committee approval, this would probably it, within the constraints of a study. He was prompt to say that he had no idea who would give such approval though. <shrug>
Fuck ethics, I say. In this case, the ethics are there to protect the medical people more than the patient. We know what the solution is. It is not to take more medication that only give nasty side-effects, not results.
We wrapped it up after he said that while he could not help with BIID, he could probably help with depression and suggested to increase the dosage of the anti-depressant. Follow-up visit in 2 or 3 weeks…
I was not expecting much at all from this visit to the shrink. But I guess I was still hoping for *something* positive to come out of it. Otherwise, I would not feel so deflated. This is one more chunk taken out of the wall that is "hope".
I am somewhat angry, yes. And I am somewhat frustrated. But beyond that, I am sad. Incredibly sad.
Tags: Anti-Depressants, BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder, Depression, Ethics, Medication, Psychiatrist, Therapy
This entry appears in Sean's Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
8 Comments
Today was the tenth continuous day of being out and about in my wheelchair; all day every day. Today was also the last visit to my psychotherapist. When I wheeled into his office he said “Wow, you look happy!”. Yes, I am happy. We both understood that ten days in a wheelchair has done far more to lift my mood and manage BIID than any psychotherapy could ever achieve.
Don’t get me wrong. The psychotherapy was great. It enabled me to unravel many complexities of how BIID interacts with other aspects of my life. It just doesn’t do anything for BIID itself.
I realise this isn’t going to help you in the slightest, Sean. Ten days in a wheelchair is massively different from twelve years. It is new and exciting for me. I can see where I’m headed. It is where you are. Except I don’t think I’ll last twelve years.
I am an optimist. We will find solutions.
4 On 19 August, 2008, Sophie said:
I would go for that alcohol option if all else failed, obviously I would prefer a proper spinal cord injury but beggers can’t be choosers can they?
I’m glad to see the visit wasn’t a total bust even though it was more for the psychiatrist’s sake than yours.
5 On 19 August, 2008, Sean said:
Re the injection. It’s not really an option though. First, doctors won’t do it without ethics committee approval, and that’s most unlikely to be given. And I’d be really hesitant to have someone that doesn’t have basic medical training do the injection. Second, and this is a real tricky one, when the alcohol starts to wear off, or rather when the nerve regenerates, intense associated nerve pain is happening. Not Good At All.
Chloe, as for wheeling… It does make a world of difference. It was enough to sustain me for several years after I went full time. But it’s not enough for me anymore. I could not go back to an AB life, without the chair I’d be really f*cked, but the chair isn’t quite enough either.
Sean, I’m just curious (or want clarification): why would you be “really f*cked” if you went back to an AB life?
7 On 20 August, 2008, Kirsty said:
Hi everyone
I’m currently researching for a documentary about BIID and it would be great to hear from anyone who may suffer from this disorder or who could help me further with my research. It’s an extremely interesting area that doesn’t seem to get much press and it seems people are suffering in silence so I hope you’ll feel it’s a good forum in which to air your thoughts.
Kirsty
Hey Sean, I don’t know what to say in response other than hang in there, we need you!
Post your comments
© transabled.org - 1994-2010 - All Rights Reserved.
1 On 19 August, 2008, Gordo said:
The alcohol thing sounds interesting. If it was available, I’d definitely go for that. Even if some function eventually returned (ie. 50% of the function I had before), I’d still welcome it. 50% towards where I need to be is better than 0%.