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There’s a difference between negative and negative.

…I feel I should qualify that.

There’s being negative about something that IS NEGATIVE. Like BIID. Or any other medical issue. Or the loss of a child. Or living with an abuser. Or watching someone you love lose themselves to drugs. Need I go on?

But then there’s being negative about everything, which is irritating, bad for yourself and bad for people around you. That is, ughhh, I hate that lecturer, ohmygooosh, we’ve got 8 hour labs next week, I don’t want to get a job… (I have the world’s most IRRITATING friend ;) )

The former is normal. These things are inherently negative. The negativity is in the THING, and there’s nothing anyone can do about that. We approach it as best we can but if there’s no solution and it’s a big enough thing then it WILL cast a shadow in your life. That’s not you being negative, that’s just the way things are.

The latter is bringing your own negativity with you to everything and I KNOW, Sean, that you DO NOT have that problem.
If you had that you would not have tried to HELP YOURSELF and others in the many ways you have, many attempts at psychotherapy, this website, etcetera.

My rheumatologist once told me I should have a more positive outlook on life. I could have punched him in the face. I look at him with sad eyes and ask him for help because I’m in pain. I’m not in pain because I feel crap about life.

And if you can make any sense of that you deserve a medal.

@Gravity: That reminded me of being in desperate need of painkillers about 15 years ago and going to see a rheumatologist. He said that he didn’t prescribe pain killers for chronic conditions and that I should try getting more sleep. Well, I might be able to get some f…ing sleep if I wasn’t in such f…ing pain, you f…ing asshole!!! No, I didn’t actually say that to him. I was ready to strangle him though, had I not been in such pain. Fortunately there do exist physicians who are more intelligent and compassionate. Later on I found out that usually after three days or so of serious pain killers, I could get enough sleep that an episode would start to resolve.

Gentlemen or the squeamish sort, beware what follows.

I decided when I was 10 years old that I wasn’t going to have children. 45 years later, I have kept that decision. I also suffered a great deal during my period. I was told that 1) it was all in my head, 2) have a baby and it would all go away. Nice, but then what do I do with the baby?, 3) forget having the hysterectomy you just asked for. You’re too young (I was 35) and you’ll change your mind.

It wasn’t until the situation became physically dire that someone finally performed the surgery I’d wanted and needed for so many years.

There’s a difference between being negative and being sad.

Often I am negative because I set myself under too much pressure. Or I am negative because I am negative to myself. Or when I don’t let my feelings out. Then sadness doesn’t become tears, but negativity.

One can even have a positive attitude towards negative things. Like when there is war, one can work to overcome hatred and try to bring peace into the world.

But one cannot shrug away sad things and grief. That would cause illness.

Now BIID is something so beyond any comprehension, so strange, that it is very difficult to find a positive attitude to ourselves and to those who think they may judge about us and our BIID.

But to search for a fruitful positive attitude is our only option.

For me, the first step is to be nice to myself. This is the most difficult one, too.