Blog > Thoughts > Sean's Thoughts > Music Brings Back Memories
Music Brings Back Memories
Written by Sean on Saturday, October 18, 2008
There are moments where a scent, or a bit of music brings you back in time to your younger years. It doesn’t happen often to me, but when it does, the memories are vivid! A few days ago I was listening to some classical music while soaking in the bath.
Here I was, immersed in water to my neck, thinking about BIID, listening to the music, eyes closed. Suddenly, I found myself back 25 years in time! The images I saw were like a movie rolling in front of my eyes, or rather behind my eyelids! I was suddenly transported back to when I was in my mid to late teens.
I saw myself walking around our neighbourhood, usually after dark so I wouldn’t be accosted by acquaintances, crying with tears streaming down my face and neck and into my shirt, winter or summer, with my brand new Walkman. I felt the utter despair I was feeling then, struggling with feelings that were difficult enough to deal with by themselves, but left me feeling guilty and ashamed as well.
I re-experienced all those hours of lone walking around town in a moment, as if they were yesterday. All the memories, packed in one tiny zip file, read in the blink of an eye.
I’m gonna listen to that music again, but maybe I’ll be prepared to be flooded with memories this time!
Tags: BIID, Guilt, Memories, Shame
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7 Comments
I’m right there with Chloe. As frustrating and confused as my teen years were, I don’t recall ever being driven to tears.
I’m new and I can’t believe how lucky I feel to have found you all!
When I was a teen, a song came out that I really connected with and I used to listen to it over and over and over. And in the last 20 years, everytime I have heard that song, it takes me back, and for a few moments I am that 15 year old girl. Despondent, inconsolable and alone.
Recently I was with friend and we were happy and laughing and enjoying listening to music and the song came on. I told my friend I loved the song and we started singing and dancing. It felt odd to feel joy where previously there was pain. Don’t get me wrong, I think that song will always be “mine” as the 15yo, but being with my friend it was a moment in time that I will remember.
You listened to classical music when you were my age? I listen to like, Linkin Park and stuff. Anyway, I also agree with Chloe. Teenage Sean needs a hug. *time travel huggle*
5 On 21 October, 2008, Sean said:
Yes Tora, I listened to classical music when I was a teenager. I don’t even know who/what Linkin Park is :D I have always had what my friends consider “weird” music tastes :)
Thanks everyone for the time travel hugs
Oh, good, another part of life (classical music) where I’m not the only one in the world!
Oh yes I have felt the desire to cry when a certain song comes on the radio. Perhaps it is important that you can cry for reasons for other than transabledism… Although I feel depressed over transabled thoughts I also feel depressed over thoughts that concern my father. As an alcoholic my father had a disease I never understood, now I understand too well filling the void that something else you want could fill. As today 10/23/2008 would be his 60th birthday if he had lived, I feel today is a good day to say I am transabled and I want to let the world know.
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1 On 18 October, 2008, Chloe said:
I want to go back and give teenage Sean a big hug.