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Meds Are Helping, Though Not With BIID
Written by Sean on Friday, January 16, 2009
I have been on anti-depressants now for several months. I don’t like having to take pills. I resent it. Anti-depressants have not, in the past, been all that helpful. Yet, I was in such a state that I agreed to try. For the first few months, I wasn’t sure if they made a difference or not. But I think I can now say that they are indeed helping.
Rattling from pills
Photo by sparktography.
In some ways, I wish they didn’t! If they didn’t work, then I wouldn’t have the issues related to it. Since I’ve been on the anti-depressant, I have been unable to have an erection. That in and of itself is not an issue for me. Heck, if I were paralysed, chances are I couldn’t get an erection either. But the utter lack of libido is more disturbing to me. I have absolutely no sexual desire. It’s a bitch. My partner thinks I find her unattractive because of it, and it is causing friction. <shrug> At least when I was depressed and didn’t have much libido anyway, I could fake it.
But that aside, there’s more positive than not coming out of being on Effexor.
At first, I wasn’t sure I could see a difference. I was on 75mg/day, and I was taking them at night. After nearly 6 weeks of that and not seeing a huge difference, I was told to go on 150mg/day and take them in the morning. It took a while to notice a difference.
In fact, for a while, I attributed my somewhat improved mood to naturally pulling out of the depth of depression. I’ve done it before often enough, without assistance of meds. I had no real evidence that the medication was helping with depression. But I didn’t have evidence that they were NOT helping either. So I kept on taking them.
Then after several months on, I discussed with my GP cutting back down to 75mg/day. The less drugs I take, the better. But after ten days or so, I distinctly could feel my mood go down. So there was a good indication that indeed, the meds at 150mg/day were helping.
Then, three weeks ago, I went to pick up a refill only to be told I didn’t have any more refills. It was Sunday, no way to get a prescription for a day or two. I went without. Both nights I was without, I had really nasty nightmares. I got back on the pills, and the nightmares went (mostly) away.
Four nights ago, I didn’t follow my morning routine and forgot to take the pills. That night, I had nightmares after nightmares. Including the same one repeating itself with slight variations (it wasn’t a chainsaw that was pursuing me, it was a benchsaw…). I remembered what had happened those few weeks ago and tested by skipping one day of meds on purpose a couple nights ago. Sure enough, nightmares all that night.
So, I have confirmed to myself that medication is helping with depression. I am still depressed, but things are not quite as bleak while on meds. And I still have bad dreams, but nothing to wake me up in sweat in the night.
Yet, with all that, BIID is still as strong as ever. Stronger, some days. Today’s been really bad. Horrible.
I guess I should be thankful that at least *something* isn’t as bad as it could be in my life at the moment.
Tags: Anti-Depressant, Depression, Medication, Pills
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8 Comments
2 On 16 January, 2009, Claire said:
I disagree. There are some times when the only option is to be dependent on medication. I mean, what other option is there? Go off it and start feeling (even more) miserable again? Doctors only want you to avoid being dependent on medication if there is some hope of improvement without them (which I believe has been ruled out), or if the side-effects are worse than the problem being treated.
So, all in all Sean, are you better off with the Effexor than without it?
Sean - I’ve been on the same tablets for over 5 years apart from when Ive gone high, at varying doses from 75 - 300mg. It is said to be the rolls royce of antidepressants - more effective - and a lot more expensive - than prozac or the other SSRIs. At the moment I take 225mg.
A lot of men experience erectile dysfunction with it.
It isn’t supposed to be addictive, but it is hard to come off. Nightmares come from withdrawal, not from the depression itself. If you stop it completely you may also experience muscle cramps in your fingers and periods of tearfulness without good cause for a month or more before things settle. This is not the depression coming back - just the withdrawal. I have been there many times when I have forgotten doses/gone for periods without.
I know what it does for me and I can live with needing it because the alternative is unthinkable.
Anti depressants only ever treat biological symptoms anyway - ie poor sleep, loss of appetite, anxiety, lack of energy/motivation and slowed cognition. They can’t help with long term psychological issues or past events and so unless you experience the physical symptoms of depression you may prefer to try and get off them altogether.
4 On 16 January, 2009, Sean said:
Claire, yes better with Effexor than without.
5 On 16 January, 2009, Sean said:
Cath, the thing is, I was having chronic nightmares before getting on the Effexor. The ones I got from skipping a day might be due to the lack of the drug in my system, too. Dunno. Thing is, I wouldn’t want to get back to having nightmares every night.
I’ll keep on them a while. My GP said that typically they’d want me on them for a year, then see. So we’ll see.
Prozac is definitely not doing anything at all for my BIID, though I wasn’t expecting it to.
My depression has been better it seems, and I’m glad that medication is working for you too. The last week has been the worst since being on the 60mg Prozac. I’m attributing it to being bummed out about the continuous headache for the last two weeks. Yesterday was the worst headache day, accompanied by nausea.
Although I’d rather not be on meds, I have several friends who have been taking antidepressants for more than a decade. Guess it’s not that big a deal.
I can’t say I’ve noticed any difference in libido, but my baseline was so low to start off with. I still like to cuddle and snuggle just as much though. Does that work for you?
7 On 17 January, 2009, Thomas said:
Yes,
Antidepressants, have the effect of doing a “chemical castration” with regards to sexual drive, leading to “100% Impotence”. As a genuinely disabled adult with Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism, which in itself causes exceptionally low sexual drive, @ least in my case, has “ended” my capacity for orgasm, & semen discharge.
Another side effect I experience, is off & on abnormal REM-State dreaming, & much lower “muscle tone”, causing me a great deal of difficulty in rising from lying flat on my back from naps & waking every morning.
@ least, I am “less depressed”, than without 10mg/day of “Lexapro”
Hi Thomas,
That’s a bit weird…
I’m AS also, and am on the same dosage of Ciplarex (which I think IS ‘lexapro’)- After coming down over the years from a higher dose this seems to keep me ticking over ok most of the time. I’ve found it’s also reduced my usually low sex drive to pretty much nil. I would like to address this issue for my husband’s sake- but not sure if there is anything that can be done. And, no- BIID doesn’t seem to be affected remotely by antidepressants, but they make the rest of life slightly easier to cope with!
x
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1 On 16 January, 2009, Sophie said:
seems like a situation your doctor would want to avoid, being dependant on the anti depressants that is.