Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Mate, you haven’t got a clue
Mate, you haven’t got a clue
Written by Sean on Monday, December 1, 2008
I was in line at the grocery store yesterday. Guy behind me, looking the worse for wear, tells me "I have a broken leg, I know what it’s like for you". I nearly burst out laughing. The guy didn’t have a cast on, not even a bandage.
So, ok, maybe the guy did in fact have something wonky with his leg. But still.
It’s amazing the number of people who take the liberty to approach those of us in wheelchairs, and try to relate to us. They say things like "I have a bad back", or "My aunt has MS", that kinda stuff. As if that gave them a right to approach a total stranger and interact with them in such a private fashion, and as if their conditions really meant anything to us.
So, this guy. He has NO idea what it’s like for me. Let’s assume for a moment I really was paralysed. He has a bad leg. It’s painful. He’s inconvenienced because he might have needed crutches. Does that give him any idea at all about what it would be like to be unable to use legs, move them, have a hard on? Nah, not a clue.
But I’m not paralysed, more’s the pity. I have BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Woooaaaa, this guy would go on a trip worse than LSD if he even had an inkling of that.
The only people who really have a clue are those of you reading these pages, that have BIID. Others may have a bit of an understanding, intelectual grasp of the situation. Some of our partners, *some* people in the medical community. But they don’t *know*.
You guys know. You’re few and far between, scattered to the 4 corners of the world.
It’s lonely out there people, it’s lonely.
Tags: BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder, Paralysed, Wheelchair
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5 Comments
2 On 1 December, 2008, Sean said:
I wouldn’t be surprised if people did that more as a way to find something to relate with you on.
Oh I think you’re right, Sean, they do. I may have been guilty of it myself. Probably we all have, with people we haven’t long been introduced to.
It doesn’t excuse the behaviour in complete strangers though. (feeling grumpy this evening)
Sean, I have experienced similar situations on a few occasions, either personally while pretending (wheelchair pretending, that is. But I no longer do this kind of pretending) or through an acquaintance of mine who has MS and uses a wheelchair. And I also experienced it countless times as an AB person, believe it or not! This is because I am very tall. They blatantly and boldly feel entitled to ask me how tall I am, if I play basketball, and they go on with their nephews, sons in law, uncles, etc. who are as tall as I am or even taller. If I believe what they say, then the world is packed with giants. Funny though, I almost never look up at someone… not even straight at someone. As Cath says, I would like to ask them some embarassing, bold question about some feature of their own in return.
The point is that as soon as someone has something distinctive, unusual and not shameful, they will walk up to them to tell them about it. Apparently, it doesn’t occur to them that we don’t have a distinctive feature out of choice or because we like it. They are very much like children, in that respect.
[...] and try to relate to us [...] Perhaps they are would be wanabees/biid sufferes/admirers/devotees of some kind?
;)
I concur.
I truly beleive that there are more of us out there, and more people who are interested in some way, without really understanding how or why.
Whether or not people are BIID suffers, etc., most people are curious about disability, and regardless, when you come across a stranger and have the opportunity to make small talk, you look for a way to connect and open a dialogue. So the chair was just the avenue that particular fellow chose to use (albeit rather clumsly).
I wonder what you would have found out if you’d engaged this fellow in conversation?
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1 On 1 December, 2008, cath said:
A reverse way of looking at this sort of inadvertant discrimination from misguided, well meaning individuals would be to pick the least ‘conforming’ aspect of their appearance - whatever it might be - and deliberately draw attention to it, kindly but pointedly.
‘Have you always had a struggle with your oversized nose/ears/crooked teeth/weight/small feet/strange eyes etc etc.? How brave of you!’
It would probably work a treat for these situations.