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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Living the truth by telling a lie

Living the truth by telling a lie

Written by Sean on Wednesday, November 24, 1999

I recently met with a group of friendly strangers. During that meeting, someone said that she was “living the truth by telling a lie”. She was not refering to wannabes. As a matter of fact, she probably had no idea that such a beast existed. Yet her sentence hit me hard.

Over the last few months, one of my increasing problem has been that in order for me to be able to live in the chair, I have to lie, or omit to tell the truth (which comes down pretty much to the same thing). I know that most people I work with, and people I call my friend would be hurt, and would not understand why I live in this chair. Certainly not at first. Yet, I can’t help it. It is much more than a need.

Over the last two years, I’ve been living in public full time as a wheeler. Over the same period of time, I’ve seen my general stress level lower, my chronic depression get under some control, my level of contentment raise and remain. In short, the wannabe thing has not attacked me as it used to. Sure, I still have wannabe attacks. Not on such a regular basis, nor of such strength. To stop wheeling now would seem a stupid thing to do, because I’m pretty sure it would throw me right back where I was.

And so I came home from that meeting with a new insight of sort. I’m not sure how to explain it, or even interpret it clearly. That sentence felt very liberating. It was as if a heavy drape had been lifted.

I wanted to share this new thought with a few friends. One of them is an amputee whom I’ve talked with a fair bit over the last couple years. She has been very supportive, listening and open minded. When I told her about “living the truth by telling a lie”, she made a few remarks about it, mostly playing it down. It felt like she was making fun of it, and definitely did not get it. It’s like, for two years, I tought she understood the importance and the reality of the wannabe thing. In one swift move, she showed me how much she did NOT get it. Saddens me hugely.

Talking of getting it, I saw a quote on a T-Shirt that really says a lot:

“If there is such a thing as “Us and Them” it is not between black and white, old and young, disabled and non, male and female, gay and straight, [wannabe and not], catholic, protestant, buddhist, etc, etc, etc, blah blah blah. It is between those who “get it” and those who do not.” Dan Wilkins.

Note: Brackets added by me.