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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / In response to Dominick Evan’s anti-BIID post

In response to Dominick Evan’s anti-BIID post

Written by Sean on Saturday, July 26, 2008

Dominick Evans, transgendered and disabled, is anti-Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Quite vehemently so. He blogged about his perspective on BIID as a Transgendered Person in a Wheelchair. I am responding here, because not only is he anti-BIID, but he’s also too chickenshit and petty-minded to publish comments that contradict him on his blog. He gets so much wrong it’s not even funny. I don’t expect everyone to support BIID, but in truth, you can’t "disagree" with it. BIID is real.

I know of at least two people who commented on his blog. Both were transabled. One is post-op transsexual as well. Their comments were not posted. I contacted him asking "if I post a comment, will you publish it?". He didn’t bother to respond. It seems very cowardly to me to make public attacks on a group of people, yet refuse them the ability to "defend" themselves. Heck, isn’t there a law in the United States about "the right to confront your accuser"? Well, never mind, cheap shots or not, we’ll talk about it here where we’re sure Dominick won’t come chat, but if he does, he will be welcome to paticipate in the discussion.

So, onwards with the stuff he writes:

I was utterly disgusted by those who would lie about who they were in such a harmful way that they desired to become disabled. The life of a person with a disability seemed glamorous to them.

We don’t desire to be disabled because we lie about who we are. Perhaps that was not what the author intended to say. But that is how it reads. First of all, we don’t "desire" to become disabled. It’s a need. We NEED to be disabled. It’s not a question of choice. Did Dominick chose to feel the way he does about his gender? He was born a girl. Did the girl one day *decide* oh, it would be fun and better to be a guy? No, I don’t think so. Well, neither do people with BIID. From the youngest ages, we know that we are in the wrong body.

As for glamourous life… I will candidly accept that there are some idiots in the "BIID community" who don’t understand much about the impairment they think they seek. I would venture to suggest that they may not actually have BIID, or if they do, they aren’t particularly good at getting out of la-la-land. There are some people like that in all groups. I can assure you, Dominick, that the majority of us are not in it for the parking… errr… glamour. I’m trying to be fascetious here to hide some of the anger I have against the accusation.

I’ve lived full time as a wheelchair user for well over a decade. I’ve suffered the indignities of being offered to be lifted into restaurants, carried into busses, being unable to get to a toilet in time, refused jobs, the list go on. I *know* it’s not glamourous. I also know it’s not good for the body. Nothing glamourous about shoulder reconstruction surgeries. But if it comes down to it, I’ll take that, as long as I can also be paralysed.

BIID does not create a logical "desire" to be disabled. It’s not logical, it’s not rational, and it’s bloody real.

That’s pretty offensive to someone who has a disability.

What, exactly, is offensive about BIID to someone who has a physical disability?

Do note, BIID is more disabling than many conditions. I am less functional as an AB that is dealing with the anguish and pain of BIID than I would be as a para without BIID.

Never mind that not every person with a disability feels that way. Generaly, when they take the time to listen to use explain our condition and understand BIID better, they realise we’re not in this to offend anyone.

But let’s play. What is offensive? Is my need to be paraplegic offensive to you in the way it was offensive in the 60’s for a black woman to ride the front of the bus?

Seriously. There’s nothing offensive about who I am and what I do to to survive the disorder I have. Unless you’re a biggot, of course. Think about this… I need to be physically disabled. I’d rather be dead than continue living without a disability. Isn’t that less offensive than the recent survey that showed that 52% of Americans would rather be dead than disabled?

I was highly disturbed by Devotees, Wannabes and Pretenders trying to compare themselves to the transgendered community. I’m both disabled and transgendered. I feel I have a unique perspective on the situation and how it feels to be compared to these incomprehensible human beings who think being disabled is the "cool" way to go.

A bit of education here for our friend Dominick: Devotees are not interested in having a disability. They are attracted by people with disabilities. Same as the relatively large number of people who have a preference for dating transgendered folks… Pretenders generally don’t need a disability, albeit many people who have BIID pretend as a form of therapy. And for those of us who have BIID, who have this condition that makes us need to be disabled, we’re not in it for the "cool" factor, no more than Dominick has undergone the process of gender transition because it’s fun, a breeze in the park.

While those who say they suffer from BIID claim they are "transabled" there are a number of reasons why I feel they should not be compared to someone who is transgendered. To better understand this you have to understand what being transgendered is and means.

Dominick, has it occured to you that before you can say that the experience of BIID is not similar to the experience of GID, you should understand what being transabled is and mean? Come on, be fair here!

Transgendered people believe they were born in the wrong gender. It is a persistent feeling that won’t go away.

Transabled people believe they were wrongly born in a fully functioning body. It is a persistent feeling that won’t go away. Furthermore, this feeling is usualy manifesting itself in kids around the age of 5, well pre-puberty, often before exposure to people with disabilities.

Studies are showing that perhaps while in utero, the fetus is exposed to varying levels of hormones.

Ahhh, yes, see, there you have the advantage of decades of research into GID. There has not yet been enough research done into BIID to understand what the causes are. But, there are a couple neurologists out of UCSD (V.S. Ramachandran & Paul McGeoch) that are starting to find evidence of something gone awry in the brain of people with BIID. That is, MRI brain scans of people with BIID are DIFFERENT. They are not done with their studies, but it is very likely that they have found a neurological basis for BIID. One might argue that between neurology and psychology, the line is thin. Yet, there is something going on in our brains. Just like there is something going on in the brain of people with GID.

Transgenderism is deemed a "mental disorder" by the DSM, something many people do not feel accurately describes being transgendered. For all intents and purposes, transgendered people are proud of who they are. They aren’t mentally deranged. In fact, to be given treatment for transgenderism, those who are transgendered must be deemed sane. They know who they are and what they’re supposed to be. There is no shame in that and there shouldn’t really be any flip flopping on the decision. At the present time, at least one doctor is trying to get the DSM to consider BIID a mental disorder comparable to transgenderism.

There is a lot to unpack in there…

There is indeed a heated debate about whether or not GID should be classified in the DSM, just like there is a huge debate as to whether or not BIID should be classified in the DSM. While SRS was available long before GID went into the DSM, if you look at the options a transsexual had "pre-inclusion" and now, you must agree that there are more options now. It’s not easy, of course. But you have *options*. Blackmarket surgeries are not your only options, either. Whereas those of us with BIID have no other option than dangerous and potentially lethal attempts at self-injury. The inclusion in the DSM, setting aside philophical issues, is a practical step towards the provision of surgery as an acceptable solution for BIID.

Dominick also shows a very limited understanding of the DSM. Or rather of what "mental disorders are". He seems to equate any conditions found in the DSM as someone "deranged". He seems to think that someone who is "sane" can’t have a condition that is in the DSM. Having a mental illness does not mean that someone is dellusional and/or psychotic. Far from it. Is having chronic depression being "insane"? Or are you speaking from a discriminatory perspective - against mental illnesses, like so many people do? It would not surprise me, so many people with physical disabilities seem to be very intent on discriminating against their brothers and sisters with psychological impairments.

I know who I am and what I’m supposed to be. I used to think there was shame and felt guilt about my feelings, until I understood that I have no more control over my need to be paralysed than Dominick has over his need to be a boy (man).

And yes, at the present time, Dr. Michael First, the lead editor of the DSM-V is considering whether or not to include BIID in the DSM.

Why I don’t feel it is comparable deals in part with the shame those with BIID have. They know what they want is wrong. Even if they successfully amputate or paralyze themselves they are too ashamed to say how it happened. They know that what they did was wrong and they obviously have a skewed take on reality. This doesn’t mean they are insane or can’t interact with others. This just means they think hacking off body parts is okay. Transgendered individuals may not share who they are with everyone, but they know who they are inside. There is no question of whether transitioning (in all its forms) is right or wrong.

We are not too ashamed to say how it happened. For many of us, we are unable to say what happened, because society is too petty minded and not ready to accept BIID. But I can think of several people who have gone right out and said "I have BIID, I became an amputee because of it". Google "Dave Openshaw amputation", and you’ll get one of many people who’ve done it and are open about it. He just happens to be the most recent person to have done it.

Removing a limb because of BIID is no more wrong than removing a cancerous limb. BIID is killing us slowly. There’s not a day that go by that I don’t think about killing myself. While *you* may think "good riddance", the fact is, I don’t want to die. I just can’t continue living like this. So BIID is a malignant tumour that is eating me up inside. The right thing to do would be to remove the tumerous limb and be done with it. You’d do the same to someone with a malignant tumour in the leg.

As to your statement that there’s no question of whether transitioning is right or wrong. Perhaps you’re too young to remember the uproar when it became public knowledge that some surgeons offered SRS to transgendered individuals? Ooooh, oops, sorry, that public uproar is alive and well in many segments of society. Perhaps then you live with blinders on and chose to ignore the bigots and close-minded people who think that you are an abomination in the face of God. Or have you forgotten about Brandon Teena? How convenient.

Don’t fool yourself for one moment. I completely agree that there is nothing wrong with your transitioning from FtM, or with MtF transitioning. You think that I’m so completely wrong in my need. That does not make you very different from the hundreds of thousand of people who would deny you your identity.

Transgendered transition isn’t hurting anyone.

Take those blinders off Dominick. Transition hurts parents, sibbling, friends, employers. Transition breaks up families. Transition kills even some of those who are transitioning.

Taking hormones isn’t going to damage a body the way hacking a leg off with a saw is.

Have you that little understanding of what hormones do to your body? An amputation, a one time only deal, just leaves you minus a limb. Taking hormones, a process you can never stop for the rest of your life, messes with your internal systems. Get informed, get real!

Those with BIID seem more comparable to those who are cutters.

Cutters have less in common with transabled individuals than transabled have in common with transsexuals. Same with those with BDD (Body Dysmorphia Disorder). We do not need to continue "self-harm", unlike cutters. We do not believe our body is "wrong", as an anorexic might. We know our body is normal. Just like *you* know that your female body was normal. We just don’t feel it’s the right body. And those who managed to get the impairment they needed have NOT sought more impairments afterwards…

Those with BIID who have amputated their body parts or paralyzed themselves say this destruction of their body parts has made them feel whole.

Yes, it seems to be a paradox you aren’t wrapping your head around, but that is the case. The "wholeness" comes from full alignment of the body with the psyche. And since we can’t change the psyche (you know about that, don’t you? Therapy has not made you suddenly stop needing to be in the right body, did it Dominick?), the only recourse we have is to change the body.

Transgendered people may surgically change their body, but I’ve not heard of an FTM hacking off a tit with a hacksaw to become whole.

Hmmm. What about black market surgeries done in dingy backrooms with less than satisfying hygienic practices that give the patient gangrene? Isn’t that something still ongoing in the "gender community"?? And has it occured to you that the ONLY reason we have to attempt self-injuries is because surgeons are refusing assistance? Get real Dominick, take your blinders off, get out of the mental utopia you live in.

BIID doesn’t just hurt the patient. It hurts their family, friends, and society. Being disabled is expensive. Believe me. I know firsthand. Wheelchairs cost thousands of dollars. Equipment needed for transferring, going to the bathroom, etc., making a house accessible and medical bills to treat a disability are all major expenses.

As I pointed out earlier, gender transition also hurts the patient, their family friends. Society *choses* to be hurt by gender transitioning, and probably would chose to be hurt by BIID transition. But I guarantee you I would be a more productive member of society if I was not dealing with the mental anguish of BIID. You’re not the only one who knows how expensive adaptive equipment is. Don’t be arrogant enough to think that people with BIID don’t know. I’m on my third wheelchair, all paid for out-of-pocket. Hand controls in my car? Of course. My late wife, who was a para from a car accident, had to go from a manual chair to a power chair, so yea, costs of a modified van, etc. Don’t talk to me about costs.

Or rather, let’s talk about costs, yeah. What is the cost of mental illnesses? How many days of work lost? How many people who end up killing themselves? How many people who aren’t able to sustain studies? How many families broken by it? A recent article in Time talks about $200 billion lost in earnings every year. Wow… That’s a lot of money. Imagine that, you can solve some of that cost to society by providing relatively inexpensive surgeries. It’s only about US$12K to amputate a limb. Seems cheap at the price. Relatively modest investment to recuperate an active, productive member of society.

Government assistance is assistance that those born with their disabilities have trouble getting. Adding more people who never should have been disabled to begin with to a waning fund means those born with or those who became disabled through a means out of their control have to contend with those who have BIID for much needed services. As a taxpayer do you really want to pay to care for someone with BIID for the rest of their lives?

That is a non-argument, really. Of course there’s less and less money in the pool to assist people with disabilities. But that pool of money is there to assist not only those with physical disabilities, but also those with mental disabilities. Otherwise people who have bipolar disorder could not get on the US SSI/SSDI. But again, the thing is, many of us with unrealised BIID are dysfunctional enough that we could be on the dole. In fact, many of us aren’t working, or aren’t able to hold jobs because of it. Give us a simple surgical procedures and we are then able to get back on the workforce and put money in the basket towards assistance for you, Dominick. An amputee does not need "care" for the rest of their lives. A leg once in a few years, crutches. Not much.

Then Dominick goes on a long diatribe about the horrors and health risks of having paralysis. Of course, he’s right. There *are* risks. I am not naive enough to ignore these facts. I’ve seen first hand what 30+ years of pushing a wheelchair has done to my late wife.

Once a transgendered person is finished transitioning (of which they PAY FOR themselves) there is no worry of the need for governmental assistance.

I will admit that I am not educated enough in the post-op need for government assistance, but I suspect that the situation is not as rosey as what Dominick makes out. Further, as for paying for yourself, yes, most people with GID have to pay for treatment themselves. But there are many government programmes that also pay for it, such as the National Health Service (NHS) in the UK. Not perfect, but if you can’t afford it, it’s an additional option. There are also those who are fortunate enough to have medical health insurance that cover SRS. And more to the point, who’s to say transabled individuals wouldn’t be willing to pay just as much as you are?

It’s also not nearly as offensive to society to be transgendered.

What "it"? Do you mean to say that having a disability is offensive? If so, perhaps you have self-acceptance issues, and you’re the one needing therapy to come to grips with your own disability.

You see, these people with BIID should be LUCKY they have working limbs.

As my friend Claire wrote in a comment to your post, which you didn’t publish:

"Yeah, and transgendered people should be LUCKY that they have fully functioning penises, or fully functioning vaginas, and be perfectly fertile and able to reproduce.  *shrug*  That seems so…hypocritical?  "

Dominick quotes Dr. Blanchard, which is interesting to me, considering how reviled that good doctor is in the transgendered community. Dr. Blanchard is correct, however, when he says that being a man, or a woman, is not a disability (although one might argue that point depending on which culture they live in). But it’s looking at it from the wrong point of view. It is looking at "disability" from the narrow perspective of Western Medecine, which does not take into account the well-being of the entire individual. I have BIID, I have a disability. Give me the body I have, and you’ve traded someone who is mentally dysfunctional for someone who’s unable to move his legs, but can finally go forward and be free to be himself.

That truly is the main difference. Accepting BIID as a true blue disorder is validating a delusion, while allowing sex-reassignment can be seen as truly righting a wrong or what some transgendered individuals consider to be a birth defect. There is no delusion in transgenderism, and that’s just how it is.

Dominick conveniently forgets to mention (or perhaps hasn’t bothered researching it) that psychiatrists and medical doctors have repeatedly said that transabled individuals are not dellusional, nor psychotic.

Claire adds: "I’m not really sure what you [Dominick] would have us do?  Not only would you deny us the only form of therapy that is known to be effective, but you’d also deny us the validation of the disorder - insertion in the DSM - that may make it possible for us to one day find a cure that does *not* include surgery.  Either way, by your method, we’re damned to a life of living in the wrong body, with no hope in sight." 

So there you go Dominick, I should thank you for refusing to publish responses directly to your post, because you’ve forced me to produce a much more in-depth response to your post. You’ll likely never read this, but if you do, I hope you have read it with an open mind and take time to consider what we’ve said. You don’t have to like us. But you cannot deny us.

Tags: BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder, Delusion, Disorder, GID, Mental Illness, Surgery, Transabled, Transgender, Transsexual