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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Holding Pattern

Holding Pattern

Written by Sean on Friday, October 21, 2005

Two evenings ago, my partner said that she would work on a bit of code for 30 minutes, and call it quits for the night. After two hours, she was still working at it. I went to bed. Last night, she was going into the (home) office for a quick cigarette and we’d watch a movie. A bit over two hours later, she emerged. I’d been waiting for her.

Oh, I’m ok, I wasn’t really “waiting” for her, as I have a good feeling of what would happen. Grabbed a book and read and cuddled with the dog. But it’s growing a bit old to be on a holding pattern that way.

We did watch the movie (which was excellent, BTW, Second-hand Lions with Michael Caine and Robert Duvall, if you haven’t seen it). But it was half past 1am when it was over.

I prepared to go to bed, did the routine of letting the dogs out, prepare a cup of tea for my partner, etc. As I was ready to go, I came in and wished her a good night, and asked her if she was going to be very long.

“Of course not”, she answered.

And off to bed I went, with my book to wait a bit, try and be awake when she arrived. After half an hour, I gave up and went to sleep. I think she came to bed around 4:30am, at least the light was still on in the room at that time.

In the past, she’s told me that she sometimes doesn’t come to bed right away because I’m asleep and she finds it frustrating. Well, that is really frustrating for me. I make a point of staying awake, reading, for anywhere up to 45 minutes after I go to bed, in case she would deign coming to join me.

But I’m tired of waiting for her. It would be one thing if she didn’t tell me that she does want to come to bed earlier, that she wants to change her routine, that “she’ll be there in a minute”. At least, I wouldn’t be left hanging. But I *am* left hanging. And if I go off and do my own thing, then she gets upset because I’m not willing to do things together.

All is NOT well in our relationship.