Blog > Thoughts > Sean's Thoughts > Happy and bummed out?
Happy and bummed out?
Written by Sean on Sunday, May 22, 2005
Is it possible to be both happy and depressed at the same time? I’ve been wondering about that. I have undeniably been depressed in a significant manner for the last several weeks. I’ve also been under the hold of a serious "wannabe attack". But I can’t say that I’m necessarily unhappy…
Perhaps "happiness" is just too vague a term. Perhaps I don’t really know what happy is, because I’ve been dealing with nasty feelings for as long as I can remember. Perhaps I perceive happiness because I’m feeling some reprieve, some time, from the intensity of those feelings.
Or not! I have moments where I genuinely enjoy myself. Is that happiness? yeah, probably. Is it sustained? Most definitely not. Can a few stolen moments of joy in the darkness be considered happiness? Why not, if I don’t really know any better?
The question is, then, do I know any better? And I can’t answer that just now. I look back, and I can’t really recall any periods in my life where I was trully free of negative emotions, whether transability or depression. I can’t believe that I have not had true happiness in my life. I refuse to believe that, otherwise, well, it’s not a good thing, huh? Which then leads me to believe that perhaps my happiness comes in small chunks rather than longish periods.
This then makes me, or my life, a bit like a chicken dish in an americanised chinese restaurant, sweet & sour.
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