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Happy and bummed out?
Written by Sean on Sunday, May 22, 2005
Is it possible to be both happy and depressed at the same time? I’ve been wondering about that. I have undeniably been depressed in a significant manner for the last several weeks. I’ve also been under the hold of a serious "wannabe attack". But I can’t say that I’m necessarily unhappy…
Perhaps "happiness" is just too vague a term. Perhaps I don’t really know what happy is, because I’ve been dealing with nasty feelings for as long as I can remember. Perhaps I perceive happiness because I’m feeling some reprieve, some time, from the intensity of those feelings.
Or not! I have moments where I genuinely enjoy myself. Is that happiness? yeah, probably. Is it sustained? Most definitely not. Can a few stolen moments of joy in the darkness be considered happiness? Why not, if I don’t really know any better?
The question is, then, do I know any better? And I can’t answer that just now. I look back, and I can’t really recall any periods in my life where I was trully free of negative emotions, whether transability or depression. I can’t believe that I have not had true happiness in my life. I refuse to believe that, otherwise, well, it’s not a good thing, huh? Which then leads me to believe that perhaps my happiness comes in small chunks rather than longish periods.
This then makes me, or my life, a bit like a chicken dish in an americanised chinese restaurant, sweet & sour.
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