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Fidgetty legs
Written by Sean on Sunday, August 24, 2008
I am at the computer, sitting in my wheelchair. I’ve been at my desk for a little over two hours. I have not moved my legs in that time. Occasionaly I realise that my body is tense, muscles clenching. I make a conscious effort to relax the muscles, particularly my buttocks and thighs. This is in sharp contrast to last evening, watching television in the recliner.
There I was, watching tv, in the recliner under a comforter, trying to keep warm. The show had been on for maybe half an hour when I realised that I was fidgetting. I was flicking my toes against one another; rubbing my feet together; slapping (gently) my hands against my thighs and calves to see how lose they are; pinching my skin.
Such a focus on my legs! And all the while I was doing that, I was wishing I couldn’t do it, or the parts that I did with my hands simply wouldn’t be felt by my legs.
Not quite OCD behaviour. Just distracted fidgetting. Just one of those things…
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4 Comments
Claire, I totally relate to comparing the feeling in different parts of one’s legs. Two days ago I was lying on the couch, and my partner started gently caressing my legs; starting with the feet and gradually working upwards. I was enjoying her touch in my lower legs, but wondering how that would be after I become paraplegic. Then she got to my left thigh. Waves of pleasure came over me as I could see what she was doing, but without feeling it. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want her to stop. Sometimes I think she forgets that I don’t have feeling there.
3 On 27 August, 2008, Claire said:
Hey Chloe. For me, it’s not in the least pleasurable. It actually causes me some physical pain, weird neurological stuff. I can’t feel it, but it causes nerve pain. Strange. I do it because it helps me imagine the “not feeling” of being a para.
Hey Claire. I had that nerve pain too. It started about ten days post injury. I was able to sit up on the couch by then, and my partner lightly touched my thigh to comfort me since I was in so much back pain. I was totally reeling from the pain caused by her touch.
It was pretty horrific for the first three months and then it gradually started to disspiate. It was completely gone after six months. I didn’t realise that I had no feeling there until the pain response was mostly gone.
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1 On 26 August, 2008, Claire said:
I do that too. Not to such an extent, but certainly a huge focus on my legs when I’m NOT in the chair. When I’m in the chair, I don’t think about them much. I also tend to run my fingers over the part of my leg that I can’t feel (following my attempt to self-injure) and wonder what it would be like for my entire leg to be like that.