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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / February 5, 1998

February 5, 1998

Written by Sean on Thursday, February 5, 1998

I just received a comment from a reader in California who tells me among other things (regarding last update’s topic):

My point in all this is that I would question if this is the proper forum to bring up issues like this (crossdressing)… seems to be getting a little off the theme and possibly might scare some folks off?

Well… Sure, it may scare some people off. But then, I do question if it is getting off the theme. But more on that later. First, I wonder… I wonder how can we possibly ask for acceptance and yet close ourselves to other differences in the world, such as crossdressing? I don’t want to push anyone to do anything, nor condone what many other people do. But as long as it remains safe, sane and consensual, I cannot see it in myself to not talk about it because it may shock some people.

Merely talking about my wannabe desires is shocking enough for so many people… And by the same way I’ve helped several wannabes coming to grip with their desires, I’m sure I can help other realize they aren’t alone in that other part of themselves. I’m not going to stop exploring and talking about what I live for fear of shocking people… If that was in me, well, this page wouldn’t be here. :-))

But then, I’m not so sure that talking about crossdressing is so far from the topic as it may seem at a first look. Let’s draw parallels between pretending to be a para and pretending to be a woman…

For starters, both are pretends, and pretends only, neither will ever truly know what it’s like, unless they push their desires to the limit, go for a gender reassignment surgery, or find a way to injure their spine (which I promptly point out, is NOT a viable option, as far as I’m concerned)

Then, there is the shock aspect. There is the fact that all too often people who do not share this will be "turned off", shocked, disgusted, offended, and whatever other negative emotion you can think of when faced with the idea of a crossdresser or a para pretender.

From that comes shame and guilt, of which I’m sure most of us wannabes/CUBC (Chair Users By Choice) are all too familiar with. Well, guess what? crossdressers know it well too.

From that guilt and shame, often imposed by society, comes an intense loneliness, a hard time to find a mate that will be open minded enough to accept their mate’s “sickness”.

I could probably go on and keep digging, but it’s late and my wife is waiting for me in bed. I believe the few parallels I drew are enough to show how similar it is in the end. Yeah, as I said in my last update, it’s perhaps the grandest and utmost denial of oneself, to want to appear, if not be, so totally different than we are…