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Home / Thoughts / Sean's Thoughts / Dismissed “out of hand”

Dismissed “out of hand”

Written by Sean on Tuesday, December 27, 2005

My partner and I were discussing things we wanted for Christmas. There really wasn’t anything "realistic" we wanted. I mentioned that I would like to spend a long weekend in a double hip spica cast. My partner laughed and I got the feeling the idea was dismissed out of hand.

This is not the first time I mention it. I mean, even before we met face to face, when we were still talking on the ‘net, I mentioned to her this was something that I wanted to experience again. A year ago I spoke about it. For my birthday a few months ago, I spoke about it. But each time I mention it, I get the feeling my partner treats it as a joke.

And it’s far from a joke. It’s something I really want to do. Ok, we can’t afford the $400 or so it would take, not anymore than the $12,000 plasma TV I saw and would like! Yet, $400 is about the amount spent on a few online auctions, getting fine china. I mean, we really could do it, with some planning. But it will not happen. The idea is just waved away, dismissed.

I wouldn’t mind spending a few weeks in two short leg casts as well, but this is an idea I won’t even suggest. This is too small a town, the risk of bumping into someone I know is too big. I mean, I live across the street from THE hospital in town, and I know many of the medical staff there. No, not something *I* could pull off at this point, although I’d love to. It would be a way to gain back some of the atrophy lost in the last couple years. But even if it was possible for me to achieve (and I’m not saying it’s not possible for someone else to pull off, even in this town), I won’t even mention it to my partner, because that would also be waved away.

It hurts to feel like I’m not being taken seriously. I don’t know how else to say "this is important to me". And so, I keep it inside some more. Just like I stay quiet about my transabled feelings, because I know the reception it would have.