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Cutting Ties With BIID Community
Written by Sean on Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Over the years, I’ve come across many people who just up and cut ties with the BIID community, such as it is. They do it for many reasons, but one of the big reasons seems to be to appease the BIID pain. The idea is that if you don’t involve yourself with other people who have BIID, you won’t be thinking about it so much. I’m not sure it works.
I know one person for whom that strategy did work, as part of other steps taken to manage BIID. For most other people I know, it’s not working.
A post from Peter on the Fighting-It Yahoo! list today really brought it home. For the first time BIID seems to have hit him hard as a hammer in the face. He doesn’t know what to do. He was asking if he should just run away from the group, from contact with other transabled folks. Sophie told him that it just makes things worse.
I think perhaps it depends on the person. To me, cutting contacts would worsen everything. People on transabled.org, on some of the mailing list, or people I correspond with by email, you are all my line of defense, you are offering me peer support. I need that support. If I didn’t have you to bounce ideas off, or the ability to vent once in a while (or more often than that), I don’t think I’d get through it. It’s hard enough for me to deal with the pain of BIID, but dealing with it alone would be unbearable.
Then again, someone else recently told me that as much support as they were getting from this site, they didn’t think they would come back. The problem is one of a "slippery slope", when they come to visit here, they end up wasting the entire day screensucking, which makes them both feel worse, and unable to take care of tasks and chores that need to be done. I can understand that as well.
There *are* reasons one might wish to, or need to cut themselves from the only real support they can get for BIID. But as dependent as that makes me appear, I have to say, I’m not going anywhere fast.
Tags: BIID, Community, Peer Support
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11 Comments
Regular, moderate doses of this site are what keep me appearing sane at a time of my life when I have no opportunity to express my BIID self.
I would be a complete basket case without you all. Yeah yeah, don’t bother saying it; I’m a basket case anyway. Nevertheless, I am way beyond the possibility of repressing this; nor would I want to.
I’m doing it.
I’m pulling myself away. Not actively, rather passively.
True, I’ve been busy.
Six months ago I couldn’t go a day without checking yahoo mail. Now I wait a couple weeks.
I don’t know what to do!
I only know the one thing that would surely help me is an impossibility.
‘Tis been a couple bad BIID days :(
And I don’t care for that one bit!
5 On 30 June, 2009, Lane said:
I’ve probable mentioned that I do quite a on a mental health site. Many of the regulars, including myself have found a strong correlation between a down-slide in our own moods and an excessive amount of time spent on the site – both evaluating our own condition and helping others.
What most of us discovered was simply that moderation was the key. We all want to support each other, but we all have limited energy given the power of our own issues and the other commitments in our lives. And that’s OK. There should be other things in our lives.
For me, I at least try, to set a schedule to check for me emails and messages, response to them, and then move back to what I was doing. Tools like Twitter and Blackberries complicate matters, but I feel it’s best for everyone to maintain a distance that is close enough to provide heartfelt support, but far enough to provide valid perspective. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
6 On 30 June, 2009, Lane said:
Oops. Too many drugs; correction follows:
I’ve probably mentioned that I do quite a bit of work posting and supporting a mental health site…
I tend to phase in an out of it. I think I am still trying to locate the website or personal account that will be \”It\” for me, sort of like the best steak I\’ve ever eaten. I do try to control my internet activity, and take a break once in a while when I feel I am becomming to obsessed with it.
I don’t know what the solution is. True I questioned my activity in the groups etc. I felt rotten and maybe was trying to blame someone for this. But then I thought you cannot turn your back on friends. But I’m still in confusion… What color is grass again?!
10 On 3 July, 2009, Seth said:
I made an entrance, hung around a bit, and backed off. I’ve realized that the more I come here, and to some other sites, the more I hurt. I come for a day or two, and start to feel better, then think I would be alright if I leave. It never works. I keep coming and going.
My chair has been in the trunk of my wifes car for the last month or so. My wife likes to hold my hand when we go out, and freaks when I say I want to use my chair. Happy wife, happy life. My apartment is too small and not nearly as wheelchair friendly as I would like it to be. As such, I’m stuck with this pain. Sometimes, I’ll pull it out and sit it in while I smoke, just to put it back in the trunk. Since I haven’t had a cigarette in almost a week, that hasn’t happened. Instead, I’ll bring it into my living room and just watch TV in it, just to put it back after the show is over.
Coming here helps. At least for me. For a short time. Then I want it more, and I scare myself by thinking of things I could do to make it happen, but realize I would mess it up and not be happy. I would be worse off. End of ramble.
It helps me, but not for long.
Seeing as how I have kinda been forcefully removed from the entire BID community, all aspects of pretending, and have been punished in many ways for thinking so (see http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/christians-prayers-and-body-integrity-identity-disorder.htm), I can say that removing myself from everything was, and still is, a bad idea. As Chloe said earlier, I would also be a mess if it weren’t for this site, which I have been for the last few months (worse during summer break).
My recommendation: stay in touch, hang out, and do so moderately (especially if sleep is involved, being tired makes it worse).
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1 On 30 June, 2009, Sophie said:
I do a lot of “screensucking” on legitimate SCI/disability sites.