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Control over BIID and vitriolic response from people
Written by Sean on Saturday, August 9, 2008
A blog post that mentions Body Integrity Identity Disorder generated several comments, and these comments lead me to write this post. There are two main topics on the table today. First, the question of "control" of BIID. Then, the ugliness of people’s reaction about BIID.
Let’s talk about control
I routinely tell people that I have no control about the fact I have BIID. I did not chose to have BIID. I do not want to have BIID. But I have it. It’s out of my control, it just happened. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s here and it’s staying. In response to that post, I drew the comparison to having depression or bipolar disorder and said that those who have depression or bipolar don’t have control over the fact they have these conditions.
Hollyb quite vehemently argued the following:
Actually people with Depression and Manic-Depressive Disorder DO have the means to control their disorders. WE KNOW when our moods are going through cycles and when we need a medication adjustment.
Hmmm, ok. But no…
One must remember that not everyone who has depression can control it through medication. There are many cases of depression that are not responding well at all to medication, or therapy. Same with bipolar disorder.
More to the point, however, is that Hollyb is talking at cross purpose from what I was saying.
I say that we have no control over the fact we have BIID.
She says she has control of the effects of her disorder.
These are two distinct issues. Hollyb has no control over the fact she has depression (or whatever her disorder is). She does have control, however, on the effects that disorder has on her through the judicious use of medication.
Unfortunately, medication does dick all to help with the effects of BIID. So no, I can’t control the fact I have BIID. And in this case, medication won’t help with controlling the effects of BIID either.
Hollyb continues:
Those of us with a scintilla of insight have come to terms with the reality of the need for medication for the rest of our lives.
If there was a medication that worked to alleviate the pain and anguish of BIID, I’d take it. But. Such. A. Medication. Does. Not. Exist!!!
Hollyb finishes by saying:
So do NOT presume to lump people with YOUR disorder together with ME. I take responsibility for the state of my mental health. Try taking some PERSONAL Responsibility for your life instead of WHINING, "I can’t help it."
I was not lumping anyone with anyone. I was using one condition more familiar to people as an example. It was not personally directed at Holly or anyone else.
Now, she has no right to me justifying myself, but on the topic of taking responsibility for my own mental health, I cannot be accused of not doing so. I’ve sought treatment from psychiatrists, psychotherapists and medical doctors over the last 20 years or so. And they pretty much all say "I can’t help you". Who’s presumptuous here, Holly? I was not whining. I was, and am, making a statement of facts.
I can’t help wondering why Holly is so negative about comparing BIID to depression anyway. Is she so close-minded and afraid of those of us with BIID? Is her understanding of BIID that limited? Or perhaps she has no desire to understand BIID at all. That’s her right. But if she does not wish to at least try and understand BIID, then she doesn’t have a right to sit in jugement of transabled individuals.
Which leads me to the next topic of discussion today…
Vitriol and other uglyness
Some of the other comments in response to phlegmfatale’s blog post are downright angry and ugly and nasty and full of vitriol. This is not the first time I encounter these reactions. They never cease to surprise me though. I just can’t begin to comprehend how our disorder can raise such negative passion in people. Not much more to say on this, just one of these points of puzzlements that are unlikely to ever be resolved.
Tags: BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder, Depression, Medication, Therapy, Transabled
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9 Comments
2 On 10 August, 2008, Sean said:
Gordo, I think you hit it on the nail. They stop listening. I’d never thought of it in those terms, but that has got to be what it is.
Some people say that anger is a secondary feeling. That before anger, there’s another feeling underneath, usualy fear. One wonders what is it that makes them so afraid of us…
My take on BIID is as follows:
1. I don’t believe many people choose what they are attracted to, they just are or are not. It’s like sweet potatoes – you either like them or not, it has nothing to do with virtue.
2. The biggest problem with BIID is similar to masturbation, the act isn’t a problem, it’s the guilt and shame we feel before discovering most people do it, and sexual drive is physical, not moral. Most of us learned this as teenagers, but because BIID is not a ‘mainstream’ issue, it’s a harder lesson to learn.
3. If we compare the public perception of BIID (such as it is) to the public perception of homosexuality in the 40′s or 50′s we can see parallels – Many people thought it was sinful, shameful, disgusting etc. – but it still existed. Today most western societies have come to realize that it’s just a fact of life and accept it, but public perception of BIID hasn’t matured quite yet.
For what it’s worth, I don’t have BIID, I am really disabled but struggle with the issue because my self-image is not as handicapped, but fully abled. My kids occasionally point out to me that I need to adjust my self-image, however that’s harder than it would seem. Telling someone with BIID (either the classic definition or the reverse, such as me) not to feel that way is as silly as telling someone afraid of flying ‘don’t feel that way’.
Miked, I agree with Julia. You have stated things clearly and accurately. I can totally see how someone with a disability might have a self image of being able bodied.
Why are people without impairments so threatened by those who have them? The attitudes of others can be more disabling than anything we\’ve got.
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1 On 9 August, 2008, Chloe said:
In the original blog we are referred to as “imbeciles”. Apparently she has never met any of us. I have the impression we are all trying to deal with this (BIID) as intelligently as we can.
I have another mental illness for which I take medication every day. I see a psychotherapist. It boggles the mind that people think we are resistant to such things.
We are “whining”? Really? I haven’t seen any signs of that. How do people interpret being open and honest about our feelings, thoughts and experiences as whining?
You take on the whole world, Sean; and I thank you for it. Please don’t do it at the expense of your own well being.
My own aspiration is simply to tell my friends about this. My hope is that, should it come up in conversation, they will be able to say “I have a friend with BIID. She’s a really nice person and she’s handling it really well”. O.K., I flatter myself. I’m not always as nice as I’d like to be and I don’t always handle it as well as I’d like : )