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I can relate. My body has never matched the image of myself in my head. I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and without realizing it, think, whoa, I wonder if she knows she looks like that. And it’s me. And no, I don’t. And I don’t know how to match the image in my mind with what’s outside. It seems absolutely impossible.

I know what you mean. I never take pictures of myself, but when I first got my chair, I took a ton. I still hate looking at photos of myself…unless I’m in my chair.

Glad to know I’m not the only one. I do the same thing; whenever there’s a plausible chance to see my reflection in a chair, I take it. There’s a sense of satisfaction, I think, when you see the image you project to others when you’re wheeling.

Ah yes, there is nothing quite like looking in the mirror and thinking, day-um, I look fine.

Yes Jen, but that’s just the point I was trying to make. It isn’t about looking “fine”, it is about looking *right*. Perhaps the distinction isn’t obvious, it certainly isn’t easy to explain. But there is a line between both :)

I know exactly how that feels. Whenever I would wheel past a window or something on the way to town I would catch a glimpse of myself and almost stop to stare a little longer.

100 percent ditto’s here. I make a point of standing in front of a mirror, and feel ripped of to some degree. Sometimes my mind wanders, thinking of how the reflection feels, is it more real for the reflection? Of course, the reflection does not know the difference, but it is a time when I feel envious and it serves as a reminder that I have not 100 percent achieved the physical state that I want. I used to think that any man who spends more than 5 minutes in any 24 hour period looking at his own reflection must have some serious ego issues, buy in this instance I am compelled to trash that notion. Lucky reflection, it is not cursed with the notion that it is not real, only an image.

let me add something else. Conceit?? No. For me, the reflection is sort of a drawing, or an engineering diagram. “When finshed correctly, this is what it should look like”.

Sean, to your mind, maybe. To my mind, not. Looking fine is about it all looking right. And fine.

Me too. Whenever I was out wheeling and caught sight of my reflection, I so wanted to just look … and stare … and get a look at myself from every possible angle. But it just wouldn’t do to have anyone see me do that. So maybe I should look for just a little while, staying still? Nope. I couldn’t have any onlooker say to themselves, “Oh, I’ve seen this in the movies - the person in the wheelchair sits, looking, maybe out over the ocean, or across a vista, or in a mirror, but they’re experiencing despair - coming to grips with their damaged body and their forever negatively-changed life.” WRONG! The serious mismatch between what I would feel and what I imagine others would feel prevented me from making the attempt. Best not to attract any questioning attention; better to just push on by.

Yes, I find that just seeing oneslf (pic or mirror) as one wants to be and be seen, relieves the tension that builds up in us. (”Us” being the transabled.) It’s certainly isn’t vanity.

Have we not all been here, done this?

http://ampgfx.com/gallery/displayimage.php?pid=2514&fullsize=1