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Comparing My Capacity For Happiness To A Bucket
Written by Sean on Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I was trying to explain how BIID is always there, yet I can experience happiness. How I can be "as happy as I can be", within the confines of dealing with a chronic case of rather strong BIID. I’ve attempted this explanation several times before, using different analogies. The most recent analogy that came to my mind might be the clearest, easiest one to understand - a bucket and a balloon!
Imagine that my total capacity for happiness is represented by a bucket. I can be as happy as there is space in that bucket. So far, so good, right?
Imagine that my actual happiness is represented by the amount of water in the bucket. The more water, the happier I am. I could have the capacity for happiness (a totally empty bucket), but very little water in the bucket. Or the bucket could be filled with water (though I can’t recall a day that’s ever happened in my life).
Now imagine BIID as being an inflatable balloon. On a very good day, the balloon is only half inflated. On a good day, 3/4 inflated. On a bad day, fully inflated. On a very bad day, over inflated! You get the idea :)
When I put the BIID balloon in the bucket, the amount of space availabe in said bucket is reduced significantly. My capacity for happiness is nowhere near as big. In fact, once the balloon is fully inflated, there’s very little space left in the bucket to add water. But there *is* some space. Just not much.
The balloon is always there. I can’t be unaware of it, it’s just too big, too present, it steals too much space in the bucket. I can shove at it, but it’s so flexible, it just changes shape, but doesn’t lose volume.
Yet, I do find some happiness, some water to put in, most days. I may only have 15ml of space available in that 5l bucket, but that’s 1 tablespoon worth of happiness I *can* have. I can be bloody miserable, and only be able to be happy 1 tablespoon’s worth. But when I have that, I *am* as happy as I can be.
And some days, the balloon isn’t so inflated, and there’s more space for happiness.
And someday, perhaps I’ll be able to afford surgery, and snip the balloon open, and away from the bucket at the same time my nerves are transected. Even if surgery is expensive, dreams are cheap, right?
Tags: Add new tag, BIID, Depression, happiness, Joy, Wheelchair
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3 Comments
2 On 3 February, 2010, Phil said:
Dear Sean,
what makes the balloon grow and shrink?
Where does the water come from, where does it go?
And is the bucket fixed? I mean: you are a living human being, not a cup, a bucket or so. You are not made of metal or wood.
Muscles grow when they are used. Courage grows when it is used. One can’t run out of love, even when it flows and flows into the world.
Your analogy directly brings me to the analogy that we have to cross barriers and borders into something new. Why limit ourselves and our happiness to a bucket?
There’s this old metaphor of our soul being like a drop - in a big ocean. Put your bucket into the ocean and there will be space enough for your happiness.
Is it possible? I don’t know. But it seems a good answer to your analogy. No?
Take care,
Phil
I’m sure that one day soon, this year, you’ll be able to say “My bucket floweth over”.
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1 On 3 February, 2010, Sylvie said:
Brilliant analogy.