transabled.org

He sounds a bit like my Mum and Dad who think this problem has gone away simply because I haven’t talked about it.

Great, trying to make us ‘normal’ and coming from someone who should know better. That attitude is kind of like what the mental health community felt about gays a couple of generations ago.

There are some who would say that in our circumstances, we have no right to happiness because of the social cost of disability. What say you?

As far as I am concerned, people greatly overestimate the costs of disability:

Keeping disabled folks in the workplace easily repays all of the wheelchairs, prosthetic limbs, etc in taxes and in just the general contributions to the economy and society.

Socially, as you asked, I think that the cost is really an artificial stigma that you must be somehow ‘normal’ to be a fulfilled and happy person.

When I was seeing a therapist (provided through my university’s health services, luckily), that was his goal too — it felt like he was seeking out what avenues I can take to become satisfied with myself. It wasn’t fully confirmed that the eventual goal is to be a full-time wheelchair user, but discussion was headed in that direction quite often.

He wasn’t making many suggestions about how to make the issue “go away” but rather how to work with the issue so that I could get on with my life without having BIID always in the back of my mind, nagging me when I’m walking down a street or anywhere.

There was no real emphasis on trying to be “normal” during our sessions.

It kind of makes me wonder what the psychologist who’s been in contact with you is trying to accomplish.

There are some who would say that in our circumstances, we have no right to happiness because of the social cost of disability. What say you?

I would say what of the cost to NOT offering us surgery? The amount of lost work due to absenteeism caused directly by BIID is phenomenal. Then there are those of us who can’t actually hold a job, forget just missing work once in a while. There are also time where I’ve been unable to work because of BIID related depression.

The question here is subtler than it appears at first, and one that is often asked in the disability community. Is it about money, or is it about people? If it’s about money, then yes, warehouse people with disabilities in nursing homes. If it’s about people, then, provide what is needed and stop worrying about dollars and cents.

But as John implies, the costs to society would be greatly outweighted if we offered decent support to people with disabilities so they could actually be productive members of society.

I don’t have a lot of experience in the workplace (since I’m in college) but I had a temporary full-time job recently and the hours were flexible, which turned out to be a good thing because I had to take an afternoon off because I had a BIID “I-need-to-go-wheeling-now-or-I’ll-go-absolutely-nuts” attack. I literally could not do my job unless I wheeled around for a bit. I made up for it by working on a Sunday (so I won’t lose wages for taking an afternoon off on a Friday), but that is a kind of luxury that not everyone has.

So Sean does have a point there about how not offering us surgery could have costs down the road, in the form of lost work and such.

Very well written Sean, and you brought up some very valid points as well.

As for myself, i don’t share your desires, but i do have an attraction that matches the desires of many in your position. As such find them both interesting and absolutely fascinating, especially in the case of a woman, in that her desires for herself could equal my attractions, and in how much the desires and attractions have in common as well.

I would argue one point though, and that is that only 23% of the people in this world have enough in common to be considered normal. I would say that well over 99 % of the people in this world have one thing in common that makes them normal, and that is that they are either too stupid, or too terrified of having to think for themselves in order to do so. As a result, instead of thinking, and establishing their own opinions and ideas, these 99 % simply accept and believe what society tells them and follow its rules as to what should constitute “normalcy” and in doing so become just that, as they would rather have someone else do their thinking for them than accept the responsibility of thinking for themselves. Since society’s rules and opinions are generally designed to maintain wealth and power for those who already have it the objective has been accomplished in that none of these individuals will ever think to the extent where they become a threat to that power or go into competition for that wealth.

Conversely, each and every good and useful thing in this world of any consequence that has ever been accomplished, or will ever be accomplished, has been accomplished by someone who is part of the 1 % who does not fall under the definition of normalcy. In order for this to be possible a person has to think, and generally think outside the box as well. This makes those of us who do so a threat to those who establish society’s definition of normalcy as they would rather suppress any form or development in favor of maintaining the status quo.

Are “normal” people happy ?, well they think they are simply because they’ve been told they should be.

Can you and i be happy ?, well this is something that i have yet to experience, but, if we can accomplish enough of our objectives in this life and share our dreams and desires with someone accepting and understanding of them, then i think we can be as well, and if we become so, it will be by establishing and accomplishing our own definition and objectives of what we need to be happy and not by accepting society’s definitions of what should make us happy. In regards to the things that we need to be happy, as long as these things are not bringing harm to another person, neither society nor any person should have the right to judge them or prevent us from having them, so it comes down to the conflict between the two age old adversaries, freedom vs. power, and those who think will invariably establish more freedom in this world, and those who don’t will simply establish more power for those who crave it.

Thank God i’m not normal and thank God your not as well. In not being so we may actually accomplish something and serve some good and useful purpose in this world, and those of us who haven’t already certainly will at some point. :)

Well, I think according to anyone who hasn’t got BIID or is very good at empathy, BIID and all behaviour relating to it, will not be classed as “the norm”.
Here’s a quote i found in an interview with a man who had BIID ’till he faked an accident and removed his hand. The interviewer claimed to have spoken to many other people who had or used to have (now in desired body) BIID, and still managed to come up with this:

“Other than his former BIID (“Body Integrity Identity Disorder”) affectation, he’s completely normal”

And I wonder, is he? Does everything he do count as “normal”? Does he not do anything “wierd”, like mix tomato ketchup and mayonnaise? or only wear cordroy on the weekend? (just some of the many “kooky” things people I know do)

So the only thing that stands out about this man is his (former) mental illness?
yeah right.

sorry, that was a bit of a rant, but i hope you can see what i’m saying.

Many years ago, the bumper sticker on my car read “why be normal”. In truth I was trying to hide the deep insecurity of having felt like a freak throughout my childhood.

I’ve been reading a guide to living with a spinal cord injury. One of the chapters is titled “You Are Not Alone”. The author describes one of her first spinal cord injury support group meetings that she went to. Another member made the comment “in here we are all normal”. This strikes a chord with me. I go to an intersex support group every month. It makes me feel that I am not alone, and it makes me feel “normal” too.

I well understand that I will never be considered normal by society at large; nor do I seek normalcy. However, I still have that insecurity of wanting to be “a little bit normal”. As Sean pointed out, this website enables many of us to really understand that we are not alone. We can say “odd” things that seem perfectly reasonable to each other. It helps me feel more normal. And I like it, because it makes me happier too.

Yeah, the feeling of being normal is invaluable and something people tend to take for granted.

When my transgendered friend and I go out, she plays out the day as the opposite sex, and I play out the day as a paraplegic. And we both act like it’s no big deal, because we’re both living “normally.” We’re no longer alone in our quests to feel like that.