Blog > Thoughts > Sean's Thoughts > BIID Creates A Barrier To Growth From Psychotherapy
BIID Creates A Barrier To Growth From Psychotherapy
Written by Sean on Wednesday, October 14, 2009
As you probably know by now, I have worked with many shrinks of all ilks over the last two decades. Sometimes that worked helped a lot, sometimes not much. It never really touched BIID though. Yet, we can’t understate the benefit of therapy.
That said, I often feel that I "should" be a whole lot more at peace, and have the tools I need to handle a large variety of situations after having spent so much time in therapy. But somehow, some of the stuff is just not sinking in.
The therapist I’ve seen most recently has told me that "Therapy doesn’t fail people, people fail therapy". This leaves a somewhat rotten taste in my mouth. It says that my efforts in therapy have led me nowhere, because I didn’t work hard enough, didn’t want it bad enough. Talk about helping with someone self-esteem, eh?
Then someone on a Yahoo! group said something really rather interesting recently. Dan said:
"I think it is really valuable for anyone with BIID to see a therapist before considering surgery. Even if it is unlikely to reduce BIID, it might help with other stuff. I am amazed at how well I can handle things now (like when my wife gets on my case). The reason is that I learned how to do it, over and over again, in therapy. Because of BIID I could not put my learning into practice. Now I can."
Dan finally became the amputee he has always needed to be. For most of his life, he’d been fighting his need. Finally, when he became an amputee, all fell into place, all became "right".
I have said many times that anyone seriously thinking about surgery for their BIID must see a therapist. I think that the main reason there is to clarify things in their own mind. I have spoken to enough people who say and think they need to be paralysed, or amputee, etc, but would likely run away at a real prospect of surgery. For these people especially, being able to have some directed thinking about the issues would be rather important.
That said, I find it very interesting that Dan expresses the impression BIID itself was the barrier to benefitting from psychotherapy. It does not surprise me overly. BIID is very invasive. It takes a lot of space in one’s mind.
Tags: BIID, Psychotherapy
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5 Comments
“Therapy doesn’t fail people, people fail therapy” a therapist who says such a sentence is not worth five minutes of talk. Imagine the oncologist saying to the patient “Chemotherapy does work, it is you who does not comply”. No surgeon, no dentist, no oncologist could say this to a patient. The therapist can, he can blame the patient to be failing. This is rabulistic bullshit. A patient cannot fail. Therapy can fail, not a human. Therapists can be unable to provide adequate help, it is therapy that needs to be adequate, not the patient has to be adequate to the therapist’s methods. Regarding Dan, therapy only delays the time when you get surgery, those people who seek a shrink lose many years of live. Those who fight more intense for surgery win years of life, because they get earlier what they need. Therapy is only a way of retarding the way of life. A good therapist not only knows, but admits this.
What Ahab said.
Gee, doesn\’t a little \”blame the patient\” brighten up your day? Feh.
That psychotherapist is revealing a sense of inadequacy at doing his job; an appropriate subject to bring up with his own therapist, but not with his client. He’s not the one paying *you*.
I don’t know what “rabulistic” is but I sure can resonate with the “bullshit” part. I think that’s just about as arrogant as it gets, like therapy was some kind of test that you pass or fail. Sheesh! That dude needs to become a drill sergeant.
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1 On 14 October, 2009, Chloe said:
This seeems to be a very complicated issue; not just because each of us is complicated, but also because we all differ in the ensemble of emotional baggage and assorted mental health issues which may or may not be related to our BIID.
To be sure, BIID can be very invasive and take up a phenomenal amount of brain space. It would be hard to understate the impact this has on every aspect of one’s life.
On the other hand, my experience with psychotherapy for BIID was very positive. It was focused on self acceptance about it rather than a cure. And yes, it confirmed that I’m not going to be running away from surgery.
What was really interesting though was the positive trickle down into other areas of mental health. My therapist was very encouraging about wheelchair therapy. The wheelchair (and/or leg braces) had a substantial positive effect on (at least) three areas of very long standing self esteem issues. However, I don’t think I would have been receptive to those benefits had I not been doing the psycholgical work of accepting my BIID. Specifically I was able to accept that I’m not actually stupid, men really can find me sexually attractive, and I am truly a compassionate person.
The state of my mental health is a good deal better than it was a year ago. There are multiple factors contributing to this. My point is simply that there are circumstances wherein psychotherapy for BIID can positively impact other areas of mental health.
I have little doubt that my mental health will be even better post surgery.