transabled.org

When I talked to my sister about the comment of a possible shift into physical abuse, she said my hubby would never hurt me. Quite possible. But then she hasn’t seen his flaming eyes of anger that stop my blood circulating. What I can see behind those eyes is extremely scary. The fear I carry is not a fear of being physically abuse, it’s a fear of not knowing what will happen.
There is also a distinction to make: Sean, are you verbally and mentally abusive during your fights or are you just frustrated with another’s closed mind and the frustration translates into punching a wall? I think that’s where the difference lies. The verbally/mentally abusive person is already an abuser. It just can escalate.
A person who swears (me) or punches walls (you) might be trying to channel his/her frustration in a way that would least hurt the other. Maybe I am wrong but I think there is a difference.

I agree with you, and Elisabeth, Sean.

I can tell that you’re not going to start taking your anger out on other people.
Even through your struggles you have reached out and helped many people, and THAT is who you are.

None of us are doubting that, I am quite sure.

I happen to be angry today; very angry; more angry than I have been in a couple of years. It’s a rare event. I never take it out on anything external, be it animate or inanimate. It’s always inwardly directed. It erodes my self esteem, my self confidence, my self worth. It makes me cry. I’m aware that this is not a healthy response. I’m sure it would be more healthy for me to try punching a hole in a wall. I just don’t know how to deal with my own rare anger.

Sean, I would feel completely safe at your side no matter how angry you might be. I agree with you and the others. Anger does not an abuser make. But an already abusive person getting angry is another matter.

BIID can make angry. Frustration can make angry. Aggression is part of the nature of man.

My therapist would probably say: don’t control it – let it out! Let it out in a certain way. Shout loud. Do excessive sports. Martial arts.

Or something like this, just as an example: http://www.osho.com/Main.cfm?Area=Meditation&Language=English

Also Bioenergetics have good ways to let aggression out.

It is there, this energy. And controlling it is not good. Although it is an ability one should learn.

Aggression against oneself: this is how people see BIID. Chloe, do you want to prove them?

The link should go to “dynamic meditation”. This link should work:
http://www.osho.com/Main.cfm?Area=Meditation&Sub1Menu=ActiveMeditation&Sub2Menu=Dynamic
Sorry

For me, aggression often comes up when I don’t follow my heart, my deep wishes and the desires and needs of my body. When I don’t get enough rest and when I don’t get enough time for myself, not enough fresh air and my body is not moved enough.

And when nobody understands me.

And when I am not contented with myself. Not accepting myself.

I had to laugh today in church as the reading was about Jesus getting angry in the temple. The visiting priest had a very good homily about anger. So just to share a few thoughts: Anger as a passion is morally neutral. What we do with it is what makes the difference. Justified anger in a right proportion is good. Unjustified or excessive anger can be a problem.
The priest also mentioned violence. He said violence is an act against nature. If somebody is trying to hurt my kids, he is violent. He is acting against natural order of things. I, on the other hand, my nature of mama bear protecting her cubs kicking in, would not be violent by protecting my kids. I would be aggressive but not violent. Interesting distinction, I thought.

Dear Elisabeth, indeed an interesting distinction. Sounds a bit scholastic to me. To talk even more scholastically:

For me aggression is the mental status of a person. It can just pass away, it can be directed to different objects (including oneself), it can be acted out or not…

Motives for violence can be aggression but also other motives (like being paid for it or trained for it, or it’s a job, like for a soldier etc.). And violence can be judged very differently in different situations.

The church makes a business out of defining what is what. But in the church itself…? And in the history of the church? Think of the crusades… I don’t think that the churches have a clear, old and durable understanding and conviction of which violence is justified and which not.

For example: Is having my legs cut off violence? Has it to do with aggression? Is it morally and religiously and spiritually justified?

I doubt that a priest has an answer for this.

Dear Phil, I’m not trying to use this website to promote myself as the ideal poster child for BIID. I’m just trying to keep everything real. The reality is that I’m having intense feelings of worthlessnes today. Most of the time I feel pretty good; but I’m all too well aware of my own emotional fragility.

Dear Chloe, my words were definitively not meant as a criticism of you and what you do, feel and think!

They were meant to hold some humour…

And a question, the old question: Is BIID a sign of aggression against ourselves? Against our bodies?

On the other hand, BIID undermines my feelings of self-esteem a lot. (But a sibling of mine has even bigger problems with their self-esteem, without BIID, I guess.)

Persons who are emotionally fragile – are open, are alive. Being sensitive is of high value.