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Am I Doing It Right?
Written by Sean on Monday, June 22, 2009
I will always remember the first time I met my late wife. We weren’t married then, of course. She picked me up at the airport, then drove to her place. We stopped at a liquor store on the way. I was so worried about doing my transfer from the car to the chair properly, and she was just laughing at me. She said "there’s no right way to transfer".
Yet, despite her assurances, I was worried that the way I transfered would just give me away as surely as a sign above my head saying "He’s not paralysed". I had not been around many paraplegics by then. In fact, I had not been around many people with disabilities at all. And I was always concerned about "doing it right".
What my late wife taught me, among other things, is that there is not one way to do a transfer. There is not one *right* or wrong way to transfer, or push one’s wheelchair, or load the chair in the car. Everybody does it differently.
Yet, there’s something paradoxical about what she was telling me because she was also saying that some of the actors in The Waterdance obviously had worked to get the transfers right, and others didn’t quite make it. That is something I didn’t consciously pick up on until long after her death, I’ve never been able to ask her how it worked out!
Nonetheless, everyone has their own technique, their own way to handle things.
The other night, I was getting back to my car after grocery shopping. In the parking space beside mine was a guy in his car. From his hands, I would say that he was quadriplegic. I smiled at him, he nodded at me. And he looked at me put my bags in the car, transfer myself into the car, take the wheels off the wheelchair, load everything in. I’ve been wheeling full time for a long time now. I’ve shared my life with a woman who was a paraplegic. I’ve worked with paras and quads and people with other mobility impairments. And despite all that, somehow, being observed transfering and loading up the chair still makes me feel somewhat self-conscious. It’s weird. But then, I also get self-conscious when my dog watches me shave. Maybe it’s just me… :)
Tags: Paraplegic, Quadriplegic, Transfer, Wheelchair
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14 Comments
It’s your dog that has the problem. He’s thinking, Where does this shaving business stop? Am I next?”
3 On 22 June, 2009, Sean said:
@Chloe we *all* know I need serious help. Where can I get it though, is the question? :)
Have you actually discussed your shaving problem with your psychotherapist? Or maybe you should discuss it with your dog as a first step? At least you may be able to get as far as figuring out whether it’s you or the dog who has a problem. It IS possible that you both have a problem.
5 On 22 June, 2009, Sophie said:
At least you don’t have my younger brother’s problem…chronic laziness…he’s so lazy he’d rather wear a bag on his head at work than shave his face once or twice a week.
Over the years, I have observed many wc users that seem to be able to stand and walk when transfering in or out of automobiles. The last thing that ever pops into my mind is that any one of them would be fake. I have since learned there are probably hundreds of reasons why, from temporary injury to heart conditions. My otherwise able bodied mother has trouble walking long distances, so at airports, etc she will request a wheelchair and has discovered it gets her on and off planes and through customs a lot quicker.
I think a lot of people here make the false assumption that people with certain disabilities can some how spot a fake at a moment’s glance and are somehow well versed in every particular need to use a (what ever mobility aid) and how a prerson should go about using it. Most observers are not likely to think beyond what our pets think while observing us. I do not think dogs have much interest beyond what the next lamp post or other dog’s rear end smells like.
The only time to worry is if one is making a fraudulent insurance claim and is being observed by a claims investigator.
An airline stewardess once told me elderly basket cases would board airplanes in wheelchairs, apparently oblivious to the world, and by the time the plane landed in Florida, they were the first ones to literally leap off of the plane, unassisted.
7 On 25 June, 2009, Sophie said:
I wouldn’t describe it as a false assumption Ronald, I’d call it an irrational fear of being exposed.
8 On 25 June, 2009, Sean said:
@Sophie, I think you’re right there, it’s a fear of being exposed. Dunno if it’s fully irrational, but probably mostly.
@Ronald, you forgot that dogs have a LOT of interest in anything edible ;)
9 On 25 June, 2009, Lane said:
The biggest problem here is that the irrational fear _itself_ is what creates the potential for one to be exposed, or at least studied more carefully. Best to just go about your business as if it (transferring or whatever) were the most mundane of activities. Other people will then naturally treat it as such.
Have you tried putting a dab of peanut butter on its tail? He’ll never notice that you’re shaving and you can be the one that looks sane. We all have our coping mechanisms.
10 On 25 June, 2009, Sophie said:
My dog eats anything vaguely related to paper products. Toilet rolls, tissues, paper towels, chocolate bar wrappers (empty ones), chippy packets. We had to buy a big bin with a lid on it for my room cuz the dog spent most of her time in here as a puppy.
My ex-partner had a dog who’s favorite treat was cat poop from the litter box. Mmm, yummy stuff! The dog would also eat used underwear.
I guess I’m still on topic since the original post was about Sean’s dog.
Our last dog had the exact same tastes. Our cat’s litter box had high sides, he was quite small, so he would put his front paws on the edge, then survey the box like it was a buffet. He would fall asleep with the crotch of used underwear in his mouth. So, if your dog gives you a strange look when doing strange things, don’t think too much of it. They won’t out us.
I think Sean’s original subject was about his mind. Sorry about derailing it in the direction of his dog.
14 On 27 June, 2009, Sean said:
@Brice, no problem. Levity is good :) And it’s not like I haven’t been called a dog once in a while ;)
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1 On 22 June, 2009, Chloe said:
The way I’ve handled this issue is by never presenting myself as having complete paraplegia. It’s an easy way out. If I make any “mistakes”, I figure it can be attributed to my paraplegia being incomplete. That’s probably part of why I never get self-conscious about transfers.
During an orthotist visit I had transferred to the bed so that he could take some measurements and check on the weakness of various muscles. When he was done he moved my wheelchair back to where I could transfer, and asked if the positioning was good. I said it was fine. He said exactly what you wrote “Everbody does it differently.”
If you are self-conscious about shaving in front of your dog, then you need to get some serious help. ;o)