Comments on: Accepting Yourself Helps Others Accepting You http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm Talking about Body Integrity Identity Disorder - Just another disability! Wed, 23 May 2012 18:36:56 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 By: Beth http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17981 Beth Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:57:47 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17981 Thank you guys. I was terrified and took ages to build up to actually being able to tell him but I'm so glad I did. I'll keep you all informed of how things progress. Right now I'm still riding a massive wave of happiness. Thank you guys. I was terrified and took ages to build up to actually being able to tell him but I’m so glad I did. I’ll keep you all informed of how things progress. Right now I’m still riding a massive wave of happiness.

]]> By: Sasha http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17980 Sasha Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:53:05 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17980 @Beth I know how incredibly hard it is to speak honestly about these things after training yourself to keep it secret for so long. Congratulations on having the courage to come out to your husband, and I am so glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you. Keep us updated. @Beth I know how incredibly hard it is to speak honestly about these things after training yourself to keep it secret for so long. Congratulations on having the courage to come out to your husband, and I am so glad to hear that your husband is supportive of you. Keep us updated.

]]> By: Chloe http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17977 Chloe Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:54:00 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17977 That's wonderful news, Beth! That’s wonderful news, Beth!

]]> By: Sean http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17976 Sean Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:05:59 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17976 @Beth I'm so happy that you were able to tell your husband and that it went well. This is good stuff!!! Do keep us up to date with what happens next :) @Beth I’m so happy that you were able to tell your husband and that it went well. This is good stuff!!!

Do keep us up to date with what happens next :)

]]> By: Beth http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17974 Beth Thu, 30 Apr 2009 09:16:39 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17974 I'm not sure this is the best place to post this but here goes. I came out to my husband last night. I mean I told him everything and he was great about it. He insisted that I wasn't wierd, just different and everyone is different in some way from everyone else or we'd all be boring. He even offered to help me get what I need (paraplegia)!!!! Obviously there isn't a safe way to do that, with or without his help. I don't know yet what this is going to mean for my lifestyle and how I present in more situations but I'm so unbelievably happy! I didn't even manage to sound self-accepting. I kept apologising for being wierd etc, and he was still fine with it. wow I’m not sure this is the best place to post this but here goes. I came out to my husband last night. I mean I told him everything and he was great about it. He insisted that I wasn’t wierd, just different and everyone is different in some way from everyone else or we’d all be boring.

He even offered to help me get what I need (paraplegia)!!!! Obviously there isn’t a safe way to do that, with or without his help.

I don’t know yet what this is going to mean for my lifestyle and how I present in more situations but I’m so unbelievably happy!

I didn’t even manage to sound self-accepting. I kept apologising for being wierd etc, and he was still fine with it.

wow

]]> By: James http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17956 James Mon, 27 Apr 2009 02:35:46 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17956 Well said Sean. I must admit a certain amount of envy how you are progressing down the BIID path. I am sure self acceptance is an important step that I have been unable to take to date, and hence have been unable to "come out". However it seems clear to me that what ever path you choose, your fulltime wheeling or my secret pretending we all reach the same wall on our whatever path we choose or are comfortable taking. The wall I am talking about is of course the wall that seperates AB from real para desires. Until such times as a way is found over that wall we will all arrive at it in our own way and our depresion, anxiety and frustration will keep building over time. At the moment for me that wall seems to be a mile high. Last night I came as close as I have for many years to try and climb over that wall but couldn't go through with it..too scared. I guess I am still battling self acceptance. Well said Sean. I must admit a certain amount of envy how you are progressing down the BIID path. I am sure self acceptance is an important step that I have been unable to take to date, and hence have been unable to “come out”. However it seems clear to me that what ever path you choose, your fulltime wheeling or my secret pretending we all reach the same wall on our whatever path we choose or are comfortable taking. The wall I am talking about is of course the wall that seperates AB from real para desires. Until such times as a way is found over that wall we will all arrive at it in our own way and our depresion, anxiety and frustration will keep building over time. At the moment for me that wall seems to be a mile high. Last night I came as close as I have for many years to try and climb over that wall but couldn’t go through with it..too scared. I guess I am still battling self acceptance.

]]> By: Wheelman1912 http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17955 Wheelman1912 Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:18:43 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17955 I have said this myself many times and to a few people around. I am sure Claire will remember when I used to tell her that in the past. The sooner you get comfortable with yourself and accept yourself, the more confident you will become, and the more confident you become the more easy and comfortable you are around other people and the more comfortable you are being open about yourself and being proud to be who you are and showing who you are. I have said this myself many times and to a few people around. I am sure Claire will remember when I used to tell her that in the past. The sooner you get comfortable with yourself and accept yourself, the more confident you will become, and the more confident you become the more easy and comfortable you are around other people and the more comfortable you are being open about yourself and being proud to be who you are and showing who you are.

]]> By: Chloe http://transabled.org/thoughts/sean-thoughts/accepting-yourself-helps-others-accepting-you.htm/comment-page-1#comment-17951 Chloe Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:13:11 +0000 http://transabled.org/?p=2242#comment-17951 It is important to get into a positive feedback cycle of acceptance. Recently I've come to realise that I got extremely lucky with this on account of going to an intersex support group. I had discussed the idea of coming out to the group with Michael First. He thought it would be an excellent thing to do, and predicted I would find massive acceptance because intersexed people would be particularly likely to understand. He was absolutely correct. Then, having had the acceptance of the intersex group, that led to greater self confidence and self acceptance. That in turn gave me a positive attitude towards telling others, and I've had extremely few problems with being accepted. There is still one group of people I've been rather reticent with: my friends with disabilities. So far, my BIID is known to PWDs who are also part of the intersex group. No problems there at all. I agree with Sean that the trick is to project self confidence instead of insecurity; though there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable when appropriate. It is important to get into a positive feedback cycle of acceptance.

Recently I’ve come to realise that I got extremely lucky with this on account of going to an intersex support group. I had discussed the idea of coming out to the group with Michael First. He thought it would be an excellent thing to do, and predicted I would find massive acceptance because intersexed people would be particularly likely to understand. He was absolutely correct.

Then, having had the acceptance of the intersex group, that led to greater self confidence and self acceptance. That in turn gave me a positive attitude towards telling others, and I’ve had extremely few problems with being accepted.

There is still one group of people I’ve been rather reticent with: my friends with disabilities. So far, my BIID is known to PWDs who are also part of the intersex group. No problems there at all.

I agree with Sean that the trick is to project self confidence instead of insecurity; though there’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable when appropriate.

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