transabled.org

What works for me, for now, is not to fight anything, including my BIID. Nor do I spend any energy in attempting to be normal.

Not fighting it is not an option. if I let go, I’ll slide into oblivion. Can’t afford that. don’t want that. and unfortunately, I’m not in an environment where letting all the pain and trauma show is all that welcome.

Dear Sean, what you wrote describes a lot of my situation.

It is so hard to just let loose and become more easy-going about everything, including BIID. I am so much used to fight (with) it and to actively try to keep it at distance or under a certain level.

Full acceptance of both myself, my desire (BIID), the situation and the inability to become what I desire to be - accepting ALL this in its conflict, that is difficult. Because it means accepting the suffering and allowing myself to be “disabled by the soul”.

Maybe one approach could be to try less harder to appear and function “normal”?

Other things are good friends, the arts, nature, meditation, relaxation, …

No longer fighting, but coping, which is a difference. Coping with the consequences of BIID.

In stress research, they distinguish between the stressor, the reaction (stress in the positive - eustress - or negative - distress form). And they distinguish between trying to avoid stressors, trying to change the reaction to them and trying to cope with stressors and reactions.

For BIID, I would say only coping is possible. For everything else…?

And coping mechanisms and techniques are many and often individually different ones.

I have not more to offer, I’m afraid. Just to let you know that there are many out there who do understand you from their hearts to yours.

I send you my best thoughts and I would like to hug you.

Phil

Dear Sean,

your answer appeared only after I had sent mine.

You say that your environment doesn’t allow you to show your pain. Most of us will have this feeling. I often have.

But you don’t need to tell it everybody. There HAVE TO BE some kind of friends, some situations though where you can be yourself and show your wounds and cry your tears.

If not, then look for them. Or change your environment.
Regardless of BIID or not, we all need a humane, open, hearty atmosphere. And we can be the seed and core of it, let’s not forget this. Do we know who’s waiting for us to be the first to show their wounds and woes?

Maybe it hurts more not be oneself, not to be open, not to say what we want to say than not having our body form or function?

Sliding into oblivion, I know what you mean, Sean. For me personally it means a lot of sleep and a lot of daydreaming. Trying really hard to forget the pain, or as one of my favorite songs from Pet Shop Boys (can’t believe how long they have been around) says: “I wanna be numb, I don’t want to feel this pain no more … I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel nothing, I wanna to be numb.”
Even with surrender and acceptance of our BIID (and not all of us are in that stage), it hits hard and because the pain is so intense, even beauty and friendships don’t help much. Who of our friends can understand the agony of BIID? That’s why having this site as an outlet is so important (thank you so much, Sean, and everybody).
It takes a lot of energy to manage BIID and when that energy is spent for other things, BIID goes nut. Makes sense to me.

Talking about songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lupNzpcpDRk

This does not only apply to BIID; in fact, I believe - no: I do KNOW that it helps a lot to sing your own special song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEQxEJ5_5zA&feature=related or in this film http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiCjQeZARsM&feature=related).

So at least show that the other stressors stress you, that you are sad, that you need somebody.

“Who of our friends can understand the agony of BIID?” We all here.
But the computer screen cannot take me in his arms. So it is so important to meet others, really meet them.

A good friend was here for some days this week. Most of you know him. When he left, I cried. I’m still sad. But it was so good to be with him.

Life is not in the computer, it just can serve as an instrument to find places and persons where we can be ourselves.

And don’t forget: Most people in the world feel lonely very often.

When I arrived home from work a couple of days ago, I immediately sat on the couch next to Alicia, put my head on her chest, and said “I’m feeling very emotionally vulnerable”. Then I started crying. She said “I’m feeling very emotionally vulnerable too”. She started crying. We proceeded to show our wounds and listen empathetically; just business as usual at our house. I would go completely insane without this kind of outlet. Sean, you sound like a spring wound so tight it’s ready to snap. If I were there I would want to hold you and let you cry it all out.

Psychotherapy helped me a lot in realising that to fight BIID is to fight myself; something that is inherently self destructive. Becoming an integrated person involves embracing every part of me. Maybe it doesn’t work for everyone.

Another thing that helps me is my religious viewpoint, which I arrived at through quantum mechanics. To give an idea of that I’ll quote an abbreviated version of the Wikipedia definition of quantum superposition: “If the world can be in any configuration, and if the world could also be in another configuration, then the world can also be in a state which is a superposition of the two”. Thus, for me the statements “I am paralysed” and “I am not paralysed” are not in conflict with each other.