Blog > Thoughts > Sean's Thoughts > Red pill, blue pill
Red pill, blue pill
Written by Sean on Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I was recently asked an interesting question in an email: "If it were possible to take a pill to forget everything about BIID and transabledism and your desire for a SCI would you take it? Take the pill and you’re just regular AB Sean?" This is by no means an easy question to answer, and quite obviously the answer would vary from person to person. It’s a question I’ve asked myself several times, which never has a 110% certain answer.
All things being equal, I believe I would take the pill. I don’t enjoy being transabled. I don’t enjoy the pain it has caused, and is likely to cause, to my family and loved ones who know about how I feel. To quote a transexual acquaintance of mine, "transition is very hard". Living as a paraplegic is hard. I’d venture to say that it’s actually harder to NOT be a para and live as one than it would be to actually be a paraplegic, because not only do you have all the logistics and difficulties of living from a wheelchair, but you also have all the problems of leading a double life and having no real logistical support for your wheeling. I could go on and on with why life as a transabled individual is hard, but I think there’s no need, and I don’t want to appear like I’m having a pity-party, which I’m not.
Yes, all things being equal, I would take that pill.
But all things are rarely equal, are they? I happen to actually like the guy I am. I’m not perfect, far from there, but by and large, I think I’m a decent human being. I also think that a good part of me comes from having had the experiences I’ve had due to being transabled. Would the pill make me an AB who doesn’t care that he’s an AB, who actually rejoices in his functioning body?
"So Neo, what’s it gonna be?".
But this rethorical question isn’t tricky enough. Let’s thicken the plot, let’s complicate matters. What if the question isn’t to take a pill that would remove our transabled feelings, but instead, to chose between two pills. One pill, wake up paraplegic, the other pill, wake up with no trace of ever having been transabled.
Knee jerk response would be to chose the pill that would make me a para. But that’s speaking from the point of view of a transabled individual. It’s taking into account that becoming a para would not yank out such a major part of who I am, as removing BIID.
The point is moot nonetheless, there are no such pills, neither red, nor blue. Still, it makes for an interesting rethorical question.
Would you take the pill? Which one?
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7 Comments
2 On 30 January, 2007, Marie said:
Depends on the day for me and how bad the sounds are.
Red is such a nice colour but it means a whole new set of problems.
Blue is also a nice colour and means liberation of sorts. I would like to take this blue one especially if it lessens my oversensitivity to sound.
3 On 5 January, 2011, Sophie said:
It’s weird, going back and reading this post I can remember how I felt then, the thought of living without BIID was completely foreign to me. I’d rather not go into details at the moment but the idea of living without BIID feels a little more feasible now.
“Why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?” -Cypher
Once I take the red pill, as I know I would, will I regret it? Will I think “Why couldn’t I have taken the blue pill? Why couldn’t I have turned my back on it all and forgotten that feeling that something wasn’t right?”
It is an interesting question, one I’ve always asked in regard to the Matrix. Going through life knowing there is just something off…I would have to take the red pill, just so I could go down the rabbit hole.
@Annabelle: I agree. It does not seem unreasonable to take the blue pill, and thereby achieve greater happiness. Cypher’s feelings are quite understandable. However, I know that it is not for me.
Is a state of continuous happiness actually desirable? Or would it constitute a singularly boring state of affairs? To me, boredom is a worse fate than unhappiness. It is more important for me to be true to myself and authentic than to be happy; (though I am not saying these are mutually exclusive).
“To me, boredom is a worse fate than unhappiness.”
Dear Chloe, when you were bored you wouldn’t be happy.
And if you were happy, you wouldn’t be bored.
What picture do you have of “happiness”?
As always, Phil, you make the pertinent points and ask the pertinent questions. The question is timely because Alicia and I have been engaged in deep discussions today. I told her that I am happier now than at any previous time in my life. This is a mind boggling thing both to feel and to say. She asked me how I got here; and the answer is complex. Assuming I don’t emotionally fall flat on my face in the next few weeks, I shall address the issue in more detail soon.
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1 On 30 January, 2007, Sophie said:
I guess what makes the question even harder to answer is the fact that I can’t even imagine not being transabled…so it’s hard to say take the pill to get rid of the BIID when I can’t imagine myself being without it :(