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Poor cousins
Written by Sean on Sunday, October 21, 2007
Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was thinking it would be easier to become an amputee than it would be to finally get that spinal cord injury I need. It’s the “age old” conundrum: it’s easier for para wannabes to pretend, but it’s easier for amputee wannabes to get what they need”. Not that it’s ever actually easy. But, seems it would be easier. But it wouldn’t make me happy, would it? It wouldn’t be what I need.
Yet, here I was, laying in bed and imagining who could ram their car against me, pinning my legs against another car, crushing my legs at the knees, and thinking that surgeons might try to fix me up instead of amputating. And I was wondering that now that my GP knows about BIID, would he support the removal of the limb and be my advocate with the surgeons, or would he force me to endure weeks and months and perhaps years of pain trying to save unwanted legs?
From there, my brain thought about the scenario where I would have some sort of a malignant tumour, and asking the doctors to give me the surgery I’ve needed for so long, since I was going to die from cancer anyway. I’d finally have what I wanted, but be too sick to really enjoy it.
But all that is conjecture, and rather pointless all in all.
The fact is, I wouldn’t be happy as a double leg amputee. Oh, it would solve many things for me. For starter, I would have a “legitimate” reason for using the wheelchair. Then, I would not actually have much of a choice about it. Not having a choice in the matter is part of my need. One might argue that with prosthetics I would in fact have a choice, but I am not sure I buy that argument. It would be better than nothing, but it would not be my desired/needed body image.
But this morning, in the “harsh light of day”, the dream world of what-ifs is far away, and I am left with one thing only: I am not paralysed, and am unlikely to ever be so.
What a fucking depressing thought.
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2 Comments
No, a “substitute” disability would not solve anything. A bilateral leg amputation would only result in you being an amputee, not a paraplegic.
If that would have any constructive result, then so would a pair of leg casts in creating a legitimate and somewhat long term need for a wheelchair. If only a solution were that simple, we could all satisfy ourselves with do it yourself solutions. I have considered wearing a cast, yes I would be committed to using crutches and would have the same mobility impairments and have my hands occupied, and presumeably similar challenges to being a single leg amputee. But I know this is not what I want as much as I know what I really want.
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1 On 22 October, 2007, Rorschach said:
I’ve thought about this a lot, but yeah in the end it just wouldn’t do it.