Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Zoe's thoughts > What if I change my mind?
What if I change my mind?
Written by Zoe on Tuesday, July 15, 2008
This question appears logical, but to my mind, it is not. It is not logical that i might change my mind, because i have wanted, nay, needed this for so long. And it seems so right, it seems so logical, that the thought that it might not be right seems weird, wheras most people would think the opposite should be true.
But how can i be convinced that i wont change my mind? Is it even possible that i can be convinced of this? But i am.
I recently took up meditation. I downloaded a guided meditation today about finding your ‘authentic self’. The meditation asked me to picture somewhere i felt completely comfortable, somewhere i could be me. And the picture that immediately popped to mind was me in a wheelchair.
I was deep in meditation, i was deep within my subconscious, and so not thinking about these BIID thoughts at the time (i.e. i wasnt meditating on this subject, i was trying to find some peace and strength to get through this difficult time at work, which is completely removed from these BIID thoughts).
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2 Comments
I have continued with my meditations, and it does seem to be a recurring theme – today i was asked to picture my heaven on earth, i pictured myself in a chair with a baby in a sling across my torso.
The guided meditation then went on to suggest I should let go of the physical situations which defined my heaven, such as the stadium in which i was giving a rock concert, or the mansion overlooking the ocean! But my innermost desires are so much simpler than that – i dont want to be a rock star or a millionaire, i just want to be me!
I also recently meditated on why i have these thoughts, and the answer that came through loud and clear was “i am as i was made”.
It may seem strange to people who havent experienced the clarity of thought that can come through meditation (and in all honesty i’m still only learning), but i feel completely comfortable with who i am when i’m meditating – as you say Chloe, my “authentic self” as a wheeler seems so right – i just wish i could hold on to that self assurance in my real life.
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1 On 28 October, 2008, Chloe said:
I am very happy that you have made your thoughts available to us here, Zoe. I have yet only briefly perused your writings, but this one immediately struck a chord.
My psychotherapist has taken me through some guided meditations. He has given me a lot of encouragement to actualise my authentic self. It’s not that complicated. I am my authentic self when I am in a wheelchair. When I am not in a wheelchair I am not being authentic.