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It does seem like quite a lot of us, though not all of us, suffer from depression. The relationship between BIID and depression is not obvious though, and it may not be the same for all of us. I could believe that, for some, BIID in of itself could be a trigger for depression. Conversely the throes of a major depression might distract one from BIID. As Ada pointed out recently, susceptibility to depression can be hard-wired. This brings up the hypothesis that there could be an association between the hard-wiring for depression and the hard-wiring for BIID. It happens for other pairs of conditions. In other words, neither the BIID nor the depression would be causative of each other, but they are nevertheless linked.

For me, the degree of depression I experience has no impact on the intensity of my BIID. The BIID hs been absolutely relentless since March, irrespective of levels of either depression or anxiety; and also irrespective of either antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication (although it is really too early to tell with the Prozac).

My current major depressive episode did not seem to be triggered by BIID per se. It was partly because of concurrently trying to deal with both BIID and a non-associated physical disability; and partly because BIID is rendering me unable to focus on work issues, which is having a huge negative financial impact. EVERYTHING I do is tainted by BIID. If I am watching a movie, I am imagining one of the characters in a wheelchair so that I can identify with her. If I am driving, I am imagining having hand controls, or thinking about a car wreck that will make me paraplegic; etc, etc. But I don’t think the BIID in of itself would have triggered my depression.

Regarding drugs and psychotherapy, BIID seems much more like GID than like depression. Drugs and psychotherapy don’t “cure” GID. What works is to change one’s gender presentation, equivalent to our using a wheelchair, and surgery.

Regarding guilt and shame, I had mostly worked through these issues prior to wheeling. Psychotherapy can be very helpful for this. Remember that it’s not your fault that you have a neurological condition. I think the joy of wheeling tends to overcome those feelings too. Remember also that nobody seeing you in a wheelchair will know that you have BIID.

Regarding abatement of BIID symptoms, I have found that being in a wheelchair makes me a LOT more comfortable. On the other hand, I have to admit that just walking around is worse for me now. Getting a wheelchair was an irreversible step, but one about which I have no regrets.

Sorry for going on so much. You shouldn’t pose such interesting questions, Zoe!

I havent yet allowed myself to wheel – but to be honest, i’m not far off it. But is my experience of pretending going to be improved if I am able to do it without feeling guilty, without feeling ashamed. Do I first have to come to terms with these thoughts and feel comfortable with myself, before I can project that on a larger scale?

Yes. At least, if you are prone to these feelings, the answer is yes. I jumped right into it without stopping to consider how I’d feel about it. The result was anxiety attacks that put me in the emergency room (when I had never been prone to these before) and general feelings of anxiety and fear, as well as guilt, and lowered self esteem. I am slowly working through this, but while using a wheelchair is wonderful, it comes with a price. I was totally unprepared for this or where it would take me in my life. It seems to snowball and gain momentum so that a year down the road you barely recognize yourself.

Thank you to both Chloe and Claire for your thoughtful and considered responses – i was almost hestitant to check back because i thought i was going to be shouted down.

I look forward to hearing what everyone else has to say.

No, you won’t be shouted down here. :o)

Sorry for coming late to respond to this. Very good question.

As you might know, I’ve been tracking my BIID in relation to depression for about three months now. It’ll take longer than that to really draw any conclusion, but first look tells me that my feeling that BIID and depression are not related seems conclusive (for me anyway). They may aggravate one-another, but aren’t cause/effect.

As for pharmacotherapy for BIID, I don’t believe there are currently drugs that do help. Anecdotal evidence shows that a wide range of medication has been attempted to treat BIID, in particular SSRIs and anti-psychotics, none with any direct effect on BIID. And as our “target population” is relatively small, it is unlikely pharmaceutical companies would spend time and money developing something for us, even if they knew where to start.

For me, working on depression is important, to allow me to be more functional, but regardless of my state of depression, BIID has been at a high for a Very Long Time.

And we tend to welcome controversial topics, they make us think :) It’s all good.

I am yet another BIID sufferer who is also a depressive, but although we seem to have a depressive streak as a whole in our family, I think I am the only person with BIID (although it’s hard to know for certain, of course..) I’ve been on various antidepressants over the years, and although some have done wonders for the general depression and anxiety, none seem to have had any effect on my BIID feelings. These DO seem to come in waves though- and over the years I seem to have had periods of ‘remission’ from the BIID- but these seem to become fewer and farther-between as I get older and the feelings become more concentrated. I have noticed that I have vivid BIID dreams much of the time- and then for a while I won’t have any- and then they’ll come back with a vengance again. In my dreams it is always my legs that are disfunctional- but the symptoms vary. Sometimes I am a DAK amputee as my BIID dictates, but often it’s also paralysis or a MS- type lack of function. I hate waking up from these dreams as they are a release from the problems of everyday life and I feel I can finally be ME! I used to have patches where I’d ‘forget’ how to walk properly (like if you think about the mechanics of breathing too much- it becomes complicated!!) and keep tripping myself up- like walking through treacle. I get that in dreams a lot too…..
Maybe when I am in a deep depression the anxiety dreams cancel out the BIID ones, and ditto for thoughts??
Sorry to rant on!!
Ana
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