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Shopping with Dad
Written by Sophie on Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I’m not sure if I mentioned this before but my Mum recently had surgery to fix some problems with her nose and it has meant Dad has had to do the weekly grocery shopping by himself. I went with him this week so he wouldn’t be on his own and I risked broaching the subject of BIID.
This time I tried to explain to him and stress to him that BIID was a mental illness that currently isn’t recognised by doctors and it has no known way of fixing it. I think this surprised him a little as I think he thought this was something I was choosing to do. I told him that I was active online in helping to find a way to ease the pain that I live with, he told me he was fine as long as I was trying to find a way to fix this and not just give up. I told him a friend of mine had been living with BIID practically his whole life and hadn’t found a fix and it was starting to worry me that I’d never find peace for myself either.
I then moved on to try and explain to Dad that I saw using my wheelchair as therapy, it was a way to ease the emotional pain inside me. I told him that I kind of buldozed over that part of my life and built a parking lot over it because I didn’t want them to have to be confronted with the problems that I live with, I know that wheelchairs make them uncomfortable and I didn’t want us living with this issue.
Then I summed things up for him, I told him “I’m not magically cured, I am trying to find a way to fix this but it’s going to take a while. Rest assured I’m not going to do something stupid. I’ll just have to wait til I can eventually move away from our town so I can go back to trying to be me.”
Dad told me he didn’t want me to feel I had to move away from our town to live life, he wanted me to feel happy living here. He then moved on to saying he thought God was part of the answer and told me I had to start moving closer to him again…I kind of phased out at that point because I’m still not sure about how God can help me because I can’t imagine not living with this pain!
Tags: BIID, Cure, Pain, Parents, Wheelchair
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1 On 3 September, 2008, Jen said:
I’m glad you got to talk to your dad one on one. And I had a moment of hope when he said he didn’t want you to have to move away to live the life you need to live. (But IMHO, I still think it’ll come to that…) And then came the bit about God being the answer.
Well, you know, I may just happen to believe that God or Jesus or Buddha is the way to peace and happiness, but that’s my own business and I’m not going to foist it off on anyone else. It strikes me that people who do this must be desperately unhappy themselves.