transabled.org

No need to apologise to us, Sophie. You’re in a very difficult situation. You need to talk. We’re listening. Crazy people are more interesting anyway. People who do too good a job of pretending to be normal usually become serial killers.

Sorry Sophie. :o( The problem with the computer as an “escape” is that it doesn’t solve the problem, it makes it worse by separating us from the real world, from real people, from real experiences, and real growth. Instead if dealing with our problems, by fleeing to the computer our problems become worse, because we’re not doing anything to actually address the problems. The computer is the human equivalent of an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. Trust me, I’ve been there and I deal with this regularly. The only way to deal with whatever *stuff* is going on, is to get off the computer and start living life.

Your mother is essentially right, Sophie. It’s just a shame that she chose to discuss it in such a way as to annoy the hell out of you rather than being supporting and encouraging. :o( Don’t let your feelings for her and her methods get in the way of recognizing the wisdom that’s in what she says.

Sophie, love, you really do need to move out of there!

@Sophie, Claire’s words are good, pay attention there.

As for me, I’d say let the crazy out. So your father is a bit of a wimp and doesn’t want the boat to rock. Maybe what the family needs is a wake up call. Sometimes, we have to stand up to bullies (and I’m trying to listen to my own advice, never fear).

We all do care about you.

My mom gets that way too. Apparently I need to be more “social” but when I TRY to be social, she gets mad because apparently she shouldn’t be “responsible” for “organizing” my social life (that rant was brought on by me asking if 3 was ok for Lexi to come over.) Ironically, I’m being much more social when I’m on the net than when I’m outside. =/

I think you should talk to her and maybe make her realize she needs to lighten up. I dunno. I’m probably not the best person to give advice, am I? x)

I always figured I could turn into a social butterfly again once I’m outa here and studying, it’s hard to try and be social at home when I’ve already got all this stuff keeping me down :(

Yeah but the point is to find something that you’ll ENJOY doing that will make you feel BETTER than sitting at home stewing in your own misery. :o) I wouldn’t think of it as “being social”. I’m *not* a social person so the idea of “being social” scares me. But I do have a couple activities that I enjoy doing for the sake of the activity, not for the sake of “being social”. And doing them, I actually made a couple friends, which was not really the point, but is nice all the same. And I’m sure that where you live is not such a backwater hole in the wall place (even if it IS in New Zealand) that there is *nothing* to do that might interest you. ;o)

Trust me on this one! Get out of the frigging house, you will feel better, and home will not keep you down quite so much. Really. :o)

I know I probably sound like a super mega misery guts atm saying this but one of the few things I was passionately interested in I can’t do anymore. That was Rock ‘n’ Roll dancing (the 50s stuff) and my feet hurt to badly to get through more than 2 songs, and I used to teach it too!

Thought I’d better add this in case your getting the wrong impression of me.

Thank you for your advice Claire and I’m definitely listening to you. I just have to find a hobby I can do that doesn’t require me to stand for hours on end, doesn’t use computers and doesn’t cost money.

I know it’s a lot to hang on one goal but I genuinely think I’ll make a better attempt at being a decent member of society once I leave home and start studying. I just don’t want to rush that process and then end up back here cuz I didn’t prep for it properly.

I really should have made this all one comment but thought of this after I posted the last comment.

I don’t want to get involved in any bible study groups or things like that as they tend to be quite intimate and I don’t want to end up lying to people in that sort of setting. I wouldn’t feel right with God doing that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6pphVs8bF0

Pay special attention to the second verse.

When I was still living at home, espectually following the 6 months of hell when my parents tried to “fix” me, I constantly became a computer rat. I really already was one as I loved games and the internet, but even more so then because I wanted so bad to be social online and to exist in the online world.

My mother, espectually, didn’t understand my constant desire to be on the computer at all, in fact it quite angered her all the time. In her controlling manner she, like your mum, used to get on to me and nag about how much time I spent sitting around the house. Yes it is very highly upsetting to have your parents do this to you, but the thing is, they simply don’t understand (on so many levels)

In their day and age computers didn’t exist and it wasn’t “normal” for people to be attached to a object and exist in front of it constantly, so to them it seams as though it is a unhealthy thing when really it is not. Hopefully you can just do what I did and take a break for a day or two to appease them, but then go right on about your own bussiness and it will just blow over without any problems.

Sorry to hear about you not being able to dance anymore…:( I was actually thinking about you doing that last night as I listed to the British Invasion radio special this weekend on the radio.

-Wheelman

Sophie,

I have to come you as a strong independent woman. Like you, I had a difficult time while living at home with my parents. They could not understand why I enjoyed the online community. Now, I realize the answer: we feed off each other’s emotions. When we are down, we gain inspiration from friends who have been down the same roads.

I am sorry many of us had parents who were unattentive to our needs… but I am not sorry for the strength that was created within us.

You are a strong woman, Sophie. Getting back into the arts helps me feel better about myself.

I have not been too happy lately due to the nasty weather. Yesterday I decided to unpack my painting/art box and aet them up. I am now able to paint while it snows outside.

We are strong women with purposes. Keep your chin up. :) Things always work out in the end.

“Sophie,

I have to come you as a strong independent woman. ”

I meant: “I have come to view you as a strong independent woman.”

Sophie, the thing is, it’s not about “being a better member of society”. It’s about you finding ways to escape the misery you’re locked in at home. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!. I dunno, grab a book and go read under the trees at the cemetary! The occupants won’t mind much :)

@Sophie You may not be able to help your parents understand. For mine it was impossible…until they started using their PC that I built for them. Now you can’t get my father off the machine.

What some people finally discover is that the computer isn’t an appliance like a toaster or a TV - it can be a way of having close and meaningful interactions with others in the community. Sure, it’s not like RL, and the groups may be geographically scattered, but meeting people with shared interests, sorrows and goals is a good thing, IMO. No one should feel ashamed of being a good citizen - OL or in RL.

@Lane- That’s funny because in that case, my mom should completely understand why I want to be on the computer all the time, seeing as we have 4 computers in the house and my mom is a programmer like me (but she knows FORTRAN rather than C++) o_O

Just have to w00t the mom programmer thing. There are some rockin’ systems out there written in FORTRAN (really). I used to be a black-art C++ dude, but now I just push silly MATLAB code around, as needed. Ah, the memories…

@Sophie For those not paying close enough attention (me), when are you going to be able to make your escape from that house? Not soon enough, I’m sure. Just wondered if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or if you’re going to have to keep The Crazy on tap for a while.

@Lane lol my dad’s actually a programmer too but he’s completely mystified by vista (so am i, actually XDD)