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Living Transabled
Written by Sophie on Friday, May 9, 2008
I haven’t been writing much lately, to be honest I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about BIID and my wheelchair because it is too painful. I know I can’t change my circumstances straight away, and yes I know ignoring my transabledness won’t fix that problem either. All I can do is make the best of what I’ve got.
It’s no secret that I have never seen eye to eye with my parents. There’s always something I’m doing wrong, lately this issue is interchangeable between my addiction to Coca Cola and my supposed “addiction” to World of Warcraft. I have come to the conclusion that my parents will never be happy with what I do so why try?. I should be working on making sure I’m happy, keeping my parents amicable just happens to be a part of my happiness.
I love my parents with all my heart, and despite our shortfalls I know they love me too. I may gripe and complain about them every now and then but I don’t know anyone that has put up with as much crap as my parents. They even pulled me out of the financial mess that I made for myself when they could have left me to my own demise. They still support me now even though I can barely afford to make my weekly payments, and they have defended me when their friends have pushed them round about me and my brothers.
Mum and Dad, I know you will probably never read this, but if you ever do, thank you. You try, you almost never understand, but I know you try. Keeping my problems to myself is as much for your happiness as it is for mine. Besides, dwelling on what I don’t have doesn’t do me much good anyway.
So you will all have to forgive me if you do not hear from me often. The reminder is often too painful. I would rather raid in Serpent Shrine Caverns than be drooling on wheelchair websites and then crying myself to sleep at night. There is more to me than just being Transabled, I just have to focus on those other things for a while.
Tags: BIID, Parents, Transabled
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3 Comments
I know you may not want to hear from me, but I felt I had to say something. You are exactly right in what you wrote. I remember when I was still living at home before my parents kicked me out how much I loved my parents and I knew they loved me too only that they didn’t understand things and how normal parents should react. To this day even after they kicked me out, I still find it hard to get along with them, to talk to them about my life, treat them with respect, and most of all to visit and hang out with them from time to time, but I still love them even if it does hurt most of the time.
Your second to last paragraph is so true. I used to say stuff like that all the time in my head and espectually in my journal. It’s very hard dealing with parents who yell at you, mistreat you, are rude to you, and even punish you for just trying to be who you are…but threw it all…you realize that they love you so much, that is why they do it all to you and why they try so hard to make you be what they want you to be…if they could only understand…I know.
I am glad to see you have found a way to cope living there. I remember I went threw times when I forced myself to isolate and to stop thinking about it hoping it would all just go away or that I could not think about it and live in peace for a while. It would work for a few days of course and then it would all come crashing back down on me hard…I think it’s like a pendgelem or recking ball…you push it away from you and in the time that it swings your fine, but then when it turns around and comes back…it hits you really hard.
However I realize you know and realize all that from your post…and I am glad to see that you realize that it will never go away…Good luck in your life Sophie and keep your chin up…your doing the best you can with what you got…and for what it’s worth…I am proud of you.
-Andy
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1 On 9 May, 2008, Dante said:
That spoke to me and touched me in a ways few things do…