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It’s Sunk In!
Written by Sophie on Tuesday, March 9, 2010
My suspicions were more or less correct! My Dad does understand that this is a problem that isn’t going to just go away with will power and that I’m going to have to make my own decisions in life with how to deal with it (and live with the consequences as he put it).
It’s the reason why he’s been trying to completely cut off Mum’s attempts to bring up the subject and why he hasn’t been pushing me to sell my wheelchair. I’m so glad he really listened to the psychologist.
You can probably tell I’m really overjoyed with this small glimmer of hope. With the encouragement of my friend Kim I had a talk to Dad about how I was more and more feeling the need to use my wheelchair. His response was that me using my wheelchair round Mum would "tip her over the edge". At this point I was in tears saying "but your pushing me over the edge!" He then conceded that I would obviously be able to make my own rules when I leave home but that he didn’t want his wife upset, especially considering my two brothers are being the laziest buggers on the planet (I had warned my parents it was happening before it became a problem) and not doing their fair share around the house.
I ended up telling him I am taking my wheelchair when I go study, I will be using it and that Mum and Dad will have to put up with it if/when they come to visit. I made the condition for their sake that I wouldn’t use my wheelchair in my home town, and I essentially put my needs on hold every time they came to visit where I used to live and hid the wheelchair so the subject wouldn’t be brought up, but I won’t be doing that any more when I leave home this time.
Dad seems to be upset about everything at the moment. He told me "I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and I have no clue how to move forwards in regards to your wheelchair problem. Right now I just want to deal with the immediate problems upsetting your Mum." The elephant will continue to be sitting in the room unacknowledged but at least I’ve dealt with the issue of how I deal with my parents when I get out of here.
Tags: BIID, Parents, Wheelchair
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2 Comments
I’m really pleased for you. I know things are not perfect but at least your Dad isn’t really siding with your Mum against you anymore.
Well done for setting down the rules of what will happen when you have your own place, giving him warning will help him deal with it when the time comes.
I’m so pleased for you that he’s not trying to make you sell your wheelchair anymore. Even if you can’t even sit in it right now, at least you know it’s not going anywhere.
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1 On 9 March, 2010, Gordo said:
This is the theme of my blog entry (which is showing up in a day or two, if I recall correctly) — the idea that so many times, those of us with BIID are forced to put others’ needs before our own. This shows that we really do love those who we sacrifice ourselves for.
Like you, that’s one of the reasons why back home, I wouldn’t dare wheel around my hometown area (because I’m keeping my wheeling a secret as not to hurt my parents and, as per your words, tip them over the edge).
We know that the people who love us want the best for us but sometimes when we want the best for them in return, we end up hurting ourselves the most, emotionally.