Comments on: It’s All About You!

By: Sophie

Sophie — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:38:15 +0000

Thank you for your encouragement Chloe, I can’t believe I wrote this a year ago, in many ways it took me a year to feel I achieved any of the goals I wrote in this post, I’ll admit I feel a lot of the change in my opinion of myself has taken place after Gwen and her husband prayed for me and has been meeting with me once a week (sometimes once a fortnight depending on her schedule). She still thinks I’m rather critical of myself, I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t even notice I’m saying the bad stuff I say to myself. It is definitely a lot harder to think well of yourself than it seems, I ended up asking God in my quiet time at home to show me during the days when I’m being mean to myself. Maybe with a little more awareness it’d be easier to work through.

My parents definitely treat me more like an adult now. They don’t feel like they have to come to my rescue any more (even though I’m still on sickness benefit). Life is going to change a little though. My two brothers are moving out tomorrow and will be living in a flat together. Mum won’t have two other people round to distract her any more. And sadly no, I don’t get a bigger bedroom, Mum’s already planned what she’s doing with the two extra rooms she’s getting.

By: Chloe

Chloe — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:33:36 +0000

THANK YOU SOPHIE! Your post came just a couple of weeks after my car wreck last year, at a time when I was feeling particularly open to change. A year later I can say with confidence that you made a significant contribution to my psychological growth between then and now. Thank you for having had the courage to write this post. The exercise itself is more difficult than might appear. Going public with it is just as difficult, but an important part of the process. I highly recommend Sophie’s suggestion to anybody with issues of self esteem, negative self image, etc. This post is a wonderful example of how the support group aspect of the website can make a difference to people’s lives.

By: Phil

Phil — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 11:37:30 +0000

If this:

“She thinks this is a reoccuring theme in our community worrying so much about other peoples desires, problems and well-being that we sacrifice our own well-being”

applies to the BIID community, then we might think about it as a possible cause of BIID. Or as a side-effect?

What do you all out there think? Are we so nice to others that we “cut off” too much from our own life – and the desire to get a paralysis, blind- or deafness or amputation is a signal, a symbol, a warning sign for too much sacrifice?

By: Sophie

Sophie — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 03:38:24 +0000

well done Chloe, those traits (and more) are what we see in you every day :)

@Phil
“You said: “She thinks this is a reoccuring theme in our community worrying so much about other peoples desires, problems and well-being that we sacrifice our own well-being.”

Well, does this apply to the BIID community as well?”

I was meaning the BIID community in that statement

By: Chloe

Chloe — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 03:20:30 +0000

Gosh Sophie, I am realising how much courage your post must have taken. I made my list. It was a really tough exercise. Half a dozen bad things flew around in my head for every good thing I thought of.

What is even harder is to share that list. I’m winding myself up to share it. This makes me feel extraordinarily vulnerable. I’m expecting everyone to think I’m full of shit, or something. Okay, here it is; the list of good things that I am:

Attentive to detail
Extremely compassionate
Extremely empathetic
Patient
Confident
Friendly
Courageous
Authentic
Independent
Persistent
Open to change
Loving
Accepting
Intelligent
Caring
Emotional
Fun loving
Social
Adventurous
Respected for my work

The fact that the tears are now streaming down my face means you have done something very important for me, Sophie. Thank you SO much.

Somebody else’s turn:

By: Phil

Phil — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:49:02 +0000

Dear Sophie, what a luck to have such an Aunty! I rarely ever heard about a person so open-minded and understanding.

You said: “She thinks this is a reoccuring theme in our community worrying so much about other peoples desires, problems and well-being that we sacrifice our own well-being.”

Well, does this apply to the BIID community as well?

There are researchers who think this might be one of the causes of BIID – not just an effect.

A lot of items on your list would stand on mine, too. Maybe on others’ lists, too? Then we might find a typical “BIID personality” (which hasn’t been found by psychological testing so far).

Good luck and go on to take care for yourself, you deserve it, and I want to add one of the most important sentences my therapist said to me: “You can’t make a bigger present to others than to become yourself.” (She didn’t mean it BIID-wise, but more in an emotional way, in everyday habits, etc.: free yourself of limitations, become more spontaneous – maybe even BIID will be less important then).

Phil

By: Sophie

Sophie — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 05:21:23 +0000

Honestly Chloe I think it would do you the world of good, especially given all the bad stuff you tell yourself on your tramping trips etc :) It was hard for me to give that list to a woman I hardly ever really saw until now but I’m definately glad I did it.

By: Chloe

Chloe — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:36:11 +0000

This is GREAT, Sophie. I know I really need to do that exercise of writing down the good things about myself. It is way out of my comfort zone. It is SO much easier for me to believe bad things about myself.

You are an inspiration. Maybe I’ll do it. It would be great to get everybody to write down their good points in the comments here. I’m definitely too chicken to go first though.

By: Becs

Becs — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:01:36 +0000

Sophie, I’m so glad you’re talking to your Aunty Tina. I think she’s able to help you see more directly what commenters have previously said. Continue gaining strength and listen to your Aunty!