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Freezing My Fingers Off
Written by Sophie on Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Well it’s winter in New Zealand, it’s been raining an awful lot and my bedroom has no heating. My brain tells me I’d be warmer in bed trying to go to sleep but I still find myself at my desk, clenching my teeth to the point of pain and trying to type despite frozen shaking fingers. I’m bored. Dreams and daydreams are getting me nowhere. Even dreams of just my parents going with me on a wheeling trip out of town to see how happy it makes me isn’t doing me any good. Life is plodding on as usual…
My right calf hurts, it even hurts to try and straighten it in bed when I’m relaxed, but I’m putting that down to being roped into helping my Aunt and her husband unload their moving truck last week (which was huge). Not as painful as Mum’s toes should be though, her feet got squashed under the heavy door/lift thing on the back of the truck…misdirected sympathy pains?
Anyway, my parents have been going on as usual. Mum’s had her obligatory "the house is a mess and I’m tired of having to tell everyone everything I want done" tantrum and Dad has missed another movie at the theatre that he wanted to see thanks to his busy life filled with work and church events. Nothing would tell you I’d had a blowup at Mum last week and that’s the way they want it. Being confronted with such a huge issue is too painful for them. It’s easier to ignore what they can’t see, especially when they’ve convinced themselves they’re doing this for my own good. "Our crazy daughter should forget all this nonsense if we get her a job right?" Yeah right… Forget the fact that I was working when I started getting dragged into the pit of despair three or four years ago.
To be fair though Mum has kind of made a move to want to understand. She asked me to set up an appointment with my psychologist for her and Dad so they can see where they stand on this whole issue now that I’ve told them my GP and Psyc is fully in the know and they weren’t. I’ve emailed my Psyc letting him know my parents want to see him but I have a feeling he never actually checks the email address he gave me…and it’s his work email!! I have never gotten a response from him. It means I’m going to have to call him and that means apologising in case I’ve missed an appointment I was supposed to go to… With so many balls being thrown into the air it’s getting hard to keep them all there and keep track of all the appointments people are making for me. Psychologist, Psychiatrist, GP, Workbridge, Dietician. Why can’t people be nice to me for once and answer their emails so I can avoid the initial reaction from them? Yeah I know, it’s all my fault.
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6 Comments
1. Buy a little electric heater.
2. Go for a walk or take some kind of exercise.
3. Call your shrink.
4. Take responsibility for yourself.
Not necessarily in that order.
Whatever you do, don’t freeze your fingers off. That will make wheeling much harder.
4 On 17 June, 2009, Sophie said:
I can’t get a little electric heater because I can’t afford to pay for the power it uses. I can’t go and exercise at night either.
5 On 19 June, 2009, Sophie said:
It would seem the internet has been eating my emails. I saw my psyc tonight when I went to the local club with my family to celebrate my older brother’s dinner. He said he’s only ever received one email from me and when I told him why I’d sent my last one (parents want to see him) he told me “forget email I’ll snail mail something about your parents to you”. I felt a little bad about ambushing him because he was with his wife walking out but I knew if I didn’t do it then I’d continue to put it off.
The internet definitely does eat e-mails. When I was working for a pharmaceutical company a few years ago, it was official policy that any e-mail communication with counterparts in other companies had to be followed up by fax, telephone, or regular mail. There are just too many times when “Send” = “Delete” or “Save” = “Delete”.
Glad you got the ball rolling again.
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1 On 17 June, 2009, Cath said:
Hi Sophie – the first thing your psychologist needs to do before meeting them is to get your specific permission to do so and check with you if there is anything you don’t want him to disclose.
Email or phone, taht’s the only ethical/legal procedure.