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Feeling for you Sophie. If just one of us had the necessary skills to train to be a halfway competent surgeon.. just maybe..Any takers?

My heart goes out to you, Sophie. I do know what you are talking about. Five years ago my psychotherapist said to me “You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, can you?” I said “No, I can’t.” She said “Well there IS light at the end of the tunnel.” It seemed highly improbable at the time, but she was right. Hang in there, Sophie. Sometimes there is light, even if you can’t see it. And you have a lot of friends out here who care about you.

Love, ~ Chloe

Hi Sophie,

you wrote: “I hate who I am, I hate that my body isn’t the way it meant to be.”

Only you yourself can stop to hate you. And there is no reason for hate. Why don’t you just love yourself as you are: with this body, with this desire?

If anything in the world has a meaning and makes sense and is meant to be – then also your body is like it is meant to be. It just is not like you want it to be.

Maybe you can have your body changed some time in the future.

I often get some relief out of the thought that BIID was lower and will become lower again, as it goes up and down in phases.

The desire can be painful, but there is no need for hate.

In my case, hate was always a sign that I was fighting myself instead of accepting.

Be nice to yourself, you deserve it.

Best wishes
Phil

Sophie,
You deserve to be happy. You deserve it.
It is brave to say that you are sad. The pain of not being in a body that is right for you may go away somebody. hopefully it will! You have to be an advocate for yourself with respect to both of these things. If you have never found a psychiatrist who understands, they are out there. If you have been disappointed and heartbroken by medication that doesn’t work, don’t give up! options for medicine change everyday. You are doing something so great by saying you are unhappy! You are letting other people feel less alone! what an amazing person you are.

K

I have the impression that a year later you can see some light at the end of tunnel, Sophie. I hope so. You are a beautiful person.

There is most definitely some light ahead now. Life takes so many twists and turns that you never expect and sometimes for the better. It still amazes me how much easier BIID is to deal with and leave in it’s box now that I’m dealing with my other issues. This week has especially hit home for me how I can’t have any regrets in life. Sure I wouldn’t be stuck at home if I hadn’t screwed up financially but I also wouldn’t have been getting Gwen’s help and I wouldn’t be resolving any of my emotional issues. I dunno what the future holds for me but I know that it’s gonna be something worth my patience.

My life is vastly different now to even a few months ago and it’s not because I’m living elsewhere or working. I’m leaving the unhealthy stuff behind me (trying my best not to run back to it) and I’m just standing here waiting for God to tell me when I’m ready to take my next step.