BTW, are you sure your partner would not accept the you you want to truly be? Is it not worth trying to find out? You never know, your partner might understand more than you think and wouldn’t life be easier if this was so? In my case I levelled with my wife but the acceptance was at best 10% and I am no closer to living the disabled life I so want. Our relationship is otherwise very good and we have been married for 37 years now!

My mother could not have been more loving or considerate, but, on the other hand, she was also pretty ****ed up in her own way (and that’s not to say all my problems are my mother’s fault!).

I have tried to pose this question before, and although i did it in a rather confrontational way, i am very curious to understand the impact our parents might have had on who we are in this respect.

And, to get back to Sarah’s post - i loved the fact that Quid Pro Quo put the issue of BIID on the table for discussion - i agree that it was not perfect - but at least it was someone out there discussing the issues in a wider forum (and Nick Stahl is pretty darn cute, particularly in a chair!)

I too am struggling with the fact that my decision to act on my needs will impact on my husband, but is it really so bad to be who we are?

And if our loved one’s would accept and love us if we validly acquired the injury, is the only reason that we dont ‘invalidly’ acquire the injury because to do so requires us to lie to them?

So is the real problem then that we have to make the decision that we either continue to lie to ourselves about who we are - or we bite the bullet (though not literally) and make the decision to change our lives.

And please do not use this post as encouragement to literally bite the bullet - because i know i dont have the guts to do it myself - and i also dont want to encourage anyone else - the question i pose is purely theoretical.

“How do you explain to another person the sense of overwhelming peace, calmness, and wellbeing that goes along with being unable to move?”

I know just exactly what you mean. It’s like coming home.

“Did this stem from the fact that as a kid I was entirely powerless in terms of getting my needs met? My parents had a lot of issues of their own, and my job was to not inconvenience them. My job was to stay out of the way of them achieving their goals.”

I have slowly realised that my job was ‘to fulfill my mother’s intellectual expectations and to keep out of my father’s way so he could attend to my mothers’s every whim.’
In my dad’s eyes I was a bi-product of loving my mother, nothing more.

Sound bitter and twisted eh? No just realistic.

I came very close to buying a w/c on Ebay today. Lack of funds and cluelessness about what to choose has dissuaded me so far. Plus I have nowhere to put the thing when enquiring friends appear at the house.

Some of the things you mention particularly hit home with regard to my partner. She has said a number of times that this isn’t what she signed up for. She has called me insane quite a few times. She has expressed her displeasure about the inconvenience, particularly when we are out together and I am walking so slowly because of leg braces.

However, time and constant communication has changed this. She has found that I am a more pleasant person to be with when I am in a wheelchair. She reprimands me at home if I get out of the chair without crutches, because she knows the more I use mobility aids the happier I will be; and that makes her happy.