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Without BIID
Written by Phil on Friday, August 6, 2010
What would I do without BIID? What would I be? If there really was a way to "tame" it, to reduce the pressure… what would I do all day?
BIID has become a purpose in life, a central point of my thinking and of my day. I spend a lot of time thinking, reading, writing, fantasising about it.
Without BIID… my life would be so much less spectacular, maybe even less interesting. It would be so normal. Okay, I would love to lead a more normal life. But there would be a hole, a nothing, which would have to be filled.
Yesterday I had a session with my osteopath. I told her about my BIID last time. This time she paid particular attention to my legs. When she worked with my body, a lot of tiredness came out which had been like "stored" in my body before. My voice changed; it was deeper, fuller and more relaxed, it came from deeper down in my body. Also my posture changed, I was more upright. I felt less under pressure, in fact most pressure was gone; there was less "must", more freedom, less needs.
And less BIID.
Some time ago I read that one cannot feel fear when one’s body is totally relaxed. Maybe this also applies to needs like BIID to some extent.
The pressure is gone, but there is still a slight depressed feeling, I don’t feel really well. I slept long and still have the need to sleep more. No wonder after so many desperate nights at the computer.
The line in my legs still is there, but it is not half as disturbing as it felt a few days ago. That is good.
But the thrill of BIID is something I miss, as I realise. Without BIID, my life is less thrilling. There is more time to do all these ordinary and boring things which are even more boring now.
If it is true that BIID becomes worse with muscular hardening, limited movement and blocked energy flow in the body and all that, then using a wheelchair would make it worse, because sitting limits the movement and stiffens the hip and lower body (at least in my case).
Maybe my BIID can be influenced by osteopathy.
But maybe it’s only the sun which shines today, for the first time since many many days. Or osteopathy just helps reducing the effects of BIID.
And one can’t always be only relaxed. Sometimes I have to tense my body.
One thing is certain for me: Osteopathy helps cope with BIID and reduce its negative effects like anxiousness and feeling and being tense. There is one problem: health insurance doesn’t pay for it, and it is not really cheap.
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6 Comments
I have no wish to be without BIID. My life would not make sense. Wheeling definitely tames it though, and allows me to feel normal.
As Elisabeth says, we each need to figure out what does or doesn’t work for us.
3 On 6 August, 2010, Phil said:
Dear Chloe, when you have an illness and you overcome it and are healthy again, your life would still make sense.
Why not in the case of BIID? I mean IF it was possible to become free of it?
Hi Phil. While I do not have a problem with BIID being labeled as a mental illness in the DSM-V, I do not truly believe that it is an illness. Is it an illness to be intersexed? BIID is just as much a part of me as being intersexed. Without BIID the Chloe that I know does not exist.
5 On 6 August, 2010, Sophie said:
Any negative situation in life can make you a well-rounded person if dealt with with a good attitude. Life would be far too boring if everything were easy and I am sure if you were ever “cured” of BIID Chloe you would most likely have plenty of other stressful issues arising that would continue to mould you as a person.
My life without BIID would still have plenty of crosses to carry. I would accept life without BIID. Gladly. But the truth is that ever since I embraced BIID, I have changed a great deal. More understanding, less judgmental, more comfortable around PWDs. So would I like to be free of BIID? Sure. Would I want to never had BIID? No.
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1 On 6 August, 2010, Elisabeth said:
My BIID has been very quiet for three months now. I wheel almost exclusively. I have bad knots in my back, shoulders and neck. My leg muscles are not relaxed at all, they hurt because of lack of stretching and because of atrophy. Yet my BIID is not made worse by it. I get spinal adjustment every two or three weeks, it has a positive influence on my posture, but no influence on my psyche.
I think when it comes to BIID, each of us is infleunced by different things. For some wheeling despite some bad physical side effects will diminish BIID. For some the side effects might make BIID worse. Until one tries, it’s hard to judge what will work. Wheeling makes me forget about BIID. To you, it reminds you of BIID even more. To me, walking reminds me of BIID. It feels out of place. We each need to see what works for us.