Blog > Thoughts > Other's Thoughts > Peter's Thoughts > Hubby Understands
Hubby Understands
Written by Peter on Friday, January 22, 2010
We very rarely talk about my BIID but my husband is constantly reminded of it by the clutter of braces and crutches around the house and not least the wheelchair that is permanently hanging over a back seat of the car with its wheels that clang every time he drives round a corner.
Then a few months back he came with me when I visited a Wannabe /About-to-be. He took part in the conversation and started learning fast. But when we returned home I was disappointed when he said that if I became paralysed he would not be able to accept it.
I didn’t react to this statement and just let time do its work and last week I was rewarded.
We were discussing the Don’t-dare-to-be’s. I told him I knew very few people who are decided and how pleased I was that I don’t have that battle going on inside my head. Then the joyous moment finally arrived. He said "Yes, but you cannot be completely happy because you have two hands and two legs that work".
We got there!
This entry appears in Peter's Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
9 Comments
@ Gordo:
“…once your loved ones realize that your happiness depends on their acceptance…”. Sorry if I sound like a scarecrow, but I’m talking out of experience with some people in my own family when I came out about being gay… I discovered that not everyone who said my happiness was important really thought what they said and I got matter of factly excluded little by little. Sometimes it is just better to leave things unsaid, at least until you are ready to take the risk and to put up with the potential consequences. That being said, my family is a wicked one and always was, it just took me a long time to realize it. Thanks god, most families are a lot healthier. However, there is only so much you can expect from some people, even the loved ones, but this doesn’t mean love is impossible, one just has to accept that there is a limit.
I believe it’s very important not to have secrets from partners.
Whether one tells one’s friends is a matter for the individuals concerned. A narrow-minded person is usually quite easily identified. But if one can “come out” it is an extremely fulfilling experience. The vast majority of us who have done this report an even closer friendship with the person concerned.
We can pour our hearts out here but talking to someone in the same situation is less helpful than talking to a friend who’d previously known nothing about the condition. As for talking to a psy, I personnaly would find it more helpful to talk to a brick wall!
@Peter: “As for talking to a psy, I personnaly would find it more helpful to talk to a brick wall!”
Wonder why you should say that, Peter… did anyone say anything about shrinks on this thread?
Tom: Yes me! I was saying that the best therapy I have found was talking to a friend. Coming out to her was a very fulfilling experience and made me much more at ease with my BIID.
7 On 24 January, 2010, Phil said:
My therapist gave me the courage to tell my partner about my BIID. And my therapist has become a good friend.
She helped me a lot, and I learnt a lot from her.
I think it depends on the person and on the relationship.
Post your comments
© transabled.org - 1994-2012 - All Rights Reserved.
1 On 22 January, 2010, Tom said:
This is great news, Peter. I’m so glad for you!
People do need time to digest and accept uncommon things, this is a lesson I’m currently learning with a friend of mine who I talked to about BIID. Good to be reminded it is wise to let time do its work.